Onward Debate: The Best Type Of Drunk Food In State College

Everyone loves food. We love eating it, we love making it, we love having it delivered to us, and most of all, we like it when we’re drunk. Much like State College has a host of different types of food during the day, the town is filled with different options to satisfy your late-night cravings. From classics like pizza or wings, to less common choices like cheesesteaks and eggrolls, there’s plenty to choose from. So which is best? We let our staff battle it out to decide.

Katie Klodowski: Pizza

When people think of a typical night out in State College, they think pizza, and for good reason. Canyon, College, and Margarita’s pizza are all Penn State traditions; waiting in line is a chance to see the (sometimes bizarre) nightlife downtown and getting a slice of pizza for one dollar is a college-town novelty. Things become a tradition for a reason: because they’re good. When people leave for the night, they often have the expectation that they will get food at some point, and they know that pizza is a completely viable and cheap option. So when your brain suddenly has the mental capacity of a two-year-old’s after a night of imbibing, pizza is the first thing that comes to mind. Even if it’s the worst pizza ever, it will taste like magic once you finally get it in your hands.

Additionally, getting pizza is relatively easy since there are so many places that offer it in State College. I’m a huge fan, because a simple piece of pepperoni is usually a pretty hard thing to mess up, and many of my best nights have ended by getting a slice. Pizza is always a safe bet and you never feel particularly guilty the next morning, because you don’t wake up to a lot of money missing from your bank account. Pizza has never done me wrong, and for that reason, it will always be my go-to option.

Jacob Abrams: Cheesesteaks 

Cheesesteaks are by far the best drunk food that you can have not only in State College, but anywhere you can get your hands on one. The salty, savory tastes of the steak combined with the sharp taste and creamy texture of the cheese just melts in your mouth. While eating a cheesesteak, you have an experience that no other drunk food can provide. You can do so many things with a cheesesteak. You can replace the steak with chicken, add mushrooms, onions, ketchup, and more, creating an endless array of possibilities to customize your cheesesteak and giving the sandwich a level of flexibility that is unmatched. A cheesesteak, like the ones you can find at Bradley’s or Ernie’s, is no doubt the best drunk delicacy in State College. The combination of a soft roll, tender, juicy steak, and melted cheese is more than enough for one incredible eating experience when you’ve had a bit too much to drink.

Gabriela Stevenson: Pokey Stix
Editor’s Note: Yes, pokey stix are different from pizza, and we will not be persuaded otherwise.

Almost every weekend, I wake up with a GroupMe message from someone in my building wanting to share their Pokey Stix. By the time I make my way down to their room, they’re usually, and understandably, gone. Pokey Stix are the most magical food that you can order after a wild night out, mostly because you can share them with friends. I’ve certainly received my fair share of “come over, we’re ordering Pokey Stix” texts, and I always oblige. What’s not to love about cheesy garlic bread cut into delightful, bite-size strips? They are greasy, buttery, and always cooked to perfection. If you want to hang out with a couple friends, you can order the 10-inch Stix, but if you want to appease an entire party, you can go for the Massive Pokey Stix, coming in at 20 inches. Regardless of the occasion, Pokey Stix are a crowd-pleaser. Gumby’s Pizza truly created a drunk food masterpiece when they introduced Pokey Stix to the world.

Shannon Fox: Suzie Wong Eggrolls

When it comes to drunk food Suzie Wong reigns the queen of State College. Sure, on the surface egg rolls aren’t the run-of-the-mill drunk food, but these little rolls of heaven will quickly bring you back to sobriety. Suzie Wong’s Egg Rolls can be purchased several places in State College, but are most commonly found at Famous Ernie’s Steaks. Being a frequent patron of the Phyrst, I discovered these egg rolls about a year ago and haven’t looked back.

Believe it or not, the rolls have quite the history. Suzie herself has crafted egg rolls since the Wong family moved to Happy Valley over 40 years ago. Little did she know they would one day become a Penn State drunken staple.

Suzie combines the perfect mix of vegetables with a greasy deep-fried shell. They can be eaten alone, or jazzed up with soy or duck sauces. At three bucks a pop it simply blows the competition out of the water. If you make any good decision of the night, put your trust in Suzie Wong’s Egg Rolls.

Sara Civian: Wings

I’m pretty sure Wings Over has saved my life more than once. I get sick of almost everything at an alarmingly obnoxious rate, but I could eat Wings Over every day for the rest of my life and still look forward to it. Unfortunately I have (a barely existent) respect for myself so I won’t. Golden BBQ sauce is the love of my life. When Kanye wrote My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy, this tangy, hand-battered goodness is no doubt what he was talking about. Wings simply hit the spot every time, and the protein factor makes me hate myself just a little less than if I was indulging in some late night pizza. Besides, foods you can dip in sauce are always better than foods you can’t dip in sauce. It’s science.

Essentially, I’d take a bullet for Wings Over. They deliver so quick with a reliable consistency, and the wings are always the same unbelievable quality. The biggest tragedy of my year was when they stopped delivering after 1 am. The world is a little darker.

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Posts from the all-student staff of Onward State.

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