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The Best UPUA Election Write-Ins, 2016 Edition

Okay, I guess we owe you an apology. I know we said we were done with the UPUA election talk, but this will make up for all the politics.

Terry Ford and Katie Jordan handily won the 2016 election just about two weeks ago, but despite taking 92 percent of all president/vice president votes, there were 80 pages of write-ins for both the executive ticket the other representatives. When you take 40,000 18-22 year olds and let them run free to vote for whoever they want to lead the student government, surely some of those write-ins are going to be ridiculous.

You never know, sometimes even the most seemingly ridiculous write-ins stand a chance.

Jeb Bush & Blueberry Muffin — 3 Presidential

When Bush suspended his campaign for president of the United States, his supporters picked up an alternate campaign for president of Penn State’s undergraduate student government. The perfect running mate? A fruity breakfast confection.

A Ham Sandwich — 3 Presidential, 2 At-Large

UPUA instead settled on Canyon pizza for the announcement banquet, but next year; ham sandwiches.

People Who Lost Faith In UPUA — 23 Various Presidential, 2 At-Large

A crazy election left the student body somewhat disinterested and without confidence in UPUA or electing a new leader. There were 14 votes of no confidence as well as variations of “Fuck UPUA,” “none, they’re all cheats,” “Not these clowns,” “you are all entitled scum,” and “THIS ELECTION IS A JOKE.”

#Emily&EmilyShowDon’tStop — 2 Presidential

Unfortunately it does after graduation, at least within UPUA. Miller and McDonald received two votes as a president-VP team, including the hashtag #Emily&EmilyShowDon’tStop.

1994 White Ford Bronco — One Presidential

The second most popular Ford on the ballot.

Whoever gets rid of LionPATH — One At-Large

A tall order for UPUA, but I’d vote for whoever could do this as well.

Pre-2009 Akon — One At-Large

Featuring an assembly including songs “Lonely,” “Smack That,” and “Right Now (Na Na Na).”

GroupMe (the app) — One At-Large

Hey that app already played a pretty big role in this election, might as well it give it a seat in the assembly.

how do i vote? — 2 At-Large

You did it!

Other noteworthy write-ins:

  • Bernie Sanders and Elizabeth Warren
  • Bill O’Brien
  • Boombox Guy
  • egg penguin and tardy turtle
  • Erik Autio & Vincent Pedrie
  • Frank (& Carrie) Underwood
  • make america great again
  • not hilary
  • Penn State superfan
  • PSU Goat
  • PSU Squirrel Whisperer
  • Tom Brady
  • Wimpy
  • your mom
  • #ButtStuff2016
  • #FeelTheBern
  • 50 Cent
  • Batman vs. Superman
  • bananas are a good source of potassium
  • Beaver Stadium Chicken Basket
  • Betty White
  • Beyoncé
  • Bush did 9/11
  • Canyon Pizza Car
  • Cardale Jones
  • christian hackenberg TO THE EAGLES
  • Dick Cheney Profitted Off The Iraq War
  • Edward 40-Hands
  • El Chapo
  • Eric Stratton, rush chairman, damn glad to meet ya
  • Existentialism
  • god
  • hilary the benghazi butcher
  • Hub crane our great overlord
  • Jet Fuel Can’t Melt Steel Beams
  • Jordan Dickerson’s Fouls
  • KD girl who cries
  • Keanu Reeves from John Wick specifically
  • Lion Shrine’s broken ear
  • Mark Emmert is a criminal
  • paternoville*
  • Movin’ On costs over $230,000

There was also one write-in vote for an At-Large spot for “Onward State please put this write-in in your article.” Although literally every fiber of my being wanted to keep it out of this story because you explicitly asked me to put it in, I appreciate your dedication to our blog, so, here you go.

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About the Author

Lexi Shimkonis

Lexi is an editor-turned-staff writer who can often be found at either Irving's or the Phyrst (with the chances she'll have her backpack being the same). Lexi is a senior hailing from Spring City, PA (kind of) and studying Civil Engineering. Please email questions and/or pleas for an Instagram caption to [email protected], or for a more intimate bond, follow her on Twitter @lexshimko.

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