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Penn State Football Puns That Should Be On The Beaver Stadium Menu

Twitter is a place where great minds can come together and share their wonderful ideas for the betterment of society. Take this tweet, for instance:

Ever since this tweet has surfaced on the internet, we haven’t been able to sleep at night for two reasons:

  1. We NEED to try “Yetur Los Nachos” at Beaver Stadium.
  2. Think of all of the other delicious food puns that can be made from Penn State football’s roster!

Thanks to the powerful, collaborative nature of Twitter and the great idea of one Jack Windt, here are some Penn State football food-related puns we’d like to see on a Beaver Stadium concession stand menu soon:

Salt and Pinegar Chips: Salt and vinegar are a perfect duo, just like Jake Pinegar and field goals.

Steak Gillikin: Blake raises the stakes by pinning teams deep in their own territory. Raise your own steak. 

Sichuan Johnson: Beaver Stadium’s food could use some more variety. Look no further than Chinese food named after Juwan Johnson.

KJ Hamburger: Penn State’s most lethal offensive weapon needs his own signature burger, damn it.

Garrett Taylor Ham: Or Garrett Pork Roll, if you insist.

Chicken Basket with Pat French-Freiermuths: A new take on a classic, named for the tight end who admirably replaced Mike Gesicki this season as a freshman.

Cinnamon Trace McSwirleys: Nothing would get us out of bed for a noon kickoff sooner than the promise of fresh-baked cinnamon rolls that taste like No. 9 leading the Nittany Lions to victory.

Mac Dippenhammers: Hammer-shaped mac and cheese bites served with an assortment of fancy dipping sauces for the two-sport star.

Dippin’ Jahan Dotsons: Boring old Dippin’ Dots are now the ice cream of the past. Dippin’ Jahan Dotsons are the new ice cream of the future!

Milk-Shaka Toney: This is now the only proper way to order a milkshake from the Creamery.

Cam Hash-Browns: This one is perhaps one of the most versatile options on our menu — it can be enjoyed by fans of Cam Brown and Cam Sullivan-Brown alike.

Lo-Koa-lly sourced, Farmer’s market fresh salad (now Romaine free): This one’s for all of our vegetarian Wild Dogs out there.

Micah Parsnips: Admittedly, we don’t really know what parsnips are, but we’re sure that anything attached to Micah Parson’s name will sell, sell, sell.

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About the Author

Anthony Fiset

Anthony is a senior *gasp* majoring in Economics and a lifetime Costco Executive Member. If you are an employer, please hire him. Otherwise, direct all complaints to [email protected]

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