Bar bathrooms are the places where friendships are forged and sugary drinks meet their fate. The last time Onward State power ranked bathrooms (yes, we’ve done this before), “cesspool” bar bathrooms were excluded out of fairness to campus bathrooms. Now, we’re exploring which restrooms live up to that name and which lovely lavatories rise above.

Disclaimer: The bathrooms pictured in this post are a mix of men’s and women’s bathrooms and were photographed before any evening crowds arrived. Their conditions vary depending on the day, time, and the cleanliness of their patrons. Structures and amenities were also taken into consideration. This ranking in no way reflects our opinions of the bars in which the bathrooms reside.

The Worst

4. Cafe 210 West

Cafe’s bathrooms certainly aren’t the worst you’ll see downtown, but that doesn’t mean they can’t get a little grody at times. The men’s are what you could call “tight-knit,” but is it really all that bad bumping shoulders while pissing next to your new best bud at the urinals? It’s also unpleasant being able to see above the stall in both bathrooms, but there are worse things in the world.

3. Saloon

Saloon gives us the most interesting of the worst downtown bar bathrooms. We’ve seen many drunk girls slip on that weird ramp that leads up to the women’s bathrooms, but on the bright side, there are two stalls. There’s at least a designated space for the people waiting in line to get to the toilets, which stay generally clean (no matter how many gal pals you shove in there at once). The broken stall door latch on the bottom and will always fake us out, though. The men’s side is just this trough to piss in because, once again, we’re apparently all close best buds.

2. Bar Bleu

It was a tight race between Bar Bleu and Saloon because of how similar the bathroom interiors look. The tiny one-man and one-woman stalls in Bar Bleu feel like they need some refreshing, but the most annoying part about it all is that the line usually spills right onto the main floor. Where does the pack of full-bladdered patrons end and where do the rest of us begin? We get a real “herd of zebras” vibe when Bar Bleu fills up. At least this one has a hand dryer!

1. The Shandygaff

The Gaff may be one of the most beloved bars in State College, and you can argue its grunginess is all part of the charm, but the photos speak for themselves. The men’s bathroom literally has a toilet that doesn’t have a seat or a stall (!) and it’s not like the women’s bathroom is all that much better (though it does have the basic amenities of both a seat and a stall). This race is not even close for worst bathroom.

The Best

4. Zeno’s

Zeno’s is our “character” choice for best bar bathrooms. It has character! If there were just random scratchings and Sharpie marks on the walls, we’d list it with the worst of ’em and recommend a coat of paint. However, the Zeno’s bathroom graffiti is a signature staple of the experience. These stalls and walls are old, but because they can be a little hard to find, those who do locate them are in for a clean treat.

3. Local Whiskey

The single stall bathrooms at Local Whiskey are so spacious. The bar gets beaucoup brownie points for interior design and mood lighting, which makes for a dramatic mirror selfie. There’s still a chance that a line can spill into the main floor, but Local Whiskey is more of a sit-down bar, so that’s not really an issue.

2. Bill Pickle’s Tap Room

Who doesn’t love some good literature while they’re waiting to relieve themselves? You can read all about the bar’s namesake if the line gets too long. Once you’re actually inside, the Pickle’s restrooms give you everything you coule ask for: stalls of multiple dimensions, a massive mirror, safety tips, and outlets for when Snapchat has drained your battery.

1. Champs Downtown

Is this even a bathroom? Color, light, style, and a plethora of stalls to choose from makes the Champs Downtown upstairs bathrooms the crème de la crème (the basement bathrooms aren’t too shabby, either). There are actual reports of full-blown iPhone photoshoots happening in there. The trough sinks are pretty cool and the backlit mirror seem to erase all of an evening’s regrets. For once, we look much better in the bathroom than we do in the dim light of the bar.

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Editor’s note: In the interest of transparency, Happy Valley Restaurants, which includes Champs Downtown and Local Whiskey, is a sponsor of Onward State. All opinions herein are the certified honest thoughts of the Onward State staff. There’s a bar bathroom out there for everyone; you just have to find yours.