As any physics major will tell you, the shortest distance between points A and B is a straight line.

Unfortunately, when traversing campus on foot, there is not always a straight line between you and your next class because of things like “buildings.” This is extra unfortunate if you’re like me and often find yourself competing in a speed-walking Olympic trial to get to class on time.

Fortunately, though, there are some quintessential diagonal paths on campus that are here to help — depending on where you’re coming from and where you’re going.

To help you on your trek to class, we created these 2D renderings of the best diagonals on campus that are definitely not just drawings over screenshots of the Penn State maps app.

Good Paths

Thomas Mall Diagonal

Starting things off with the path in between Thomas and the Huck Life Sciences building, this somewhat hidden gem is set at a perfect angle for covering distance east to west without sacrificing distance north to south. It’s a great asset to anyone in East trying to make it to the central cluster of buildings on campus.

Mueller Lab System

This family of paths in the northwest corner of campus makes the list for its variety alone. With several different branches, the cluster is conveniently located in a high-traffic area to get you to top destinations such as Forum or the library. As James Franklin the realtor would say, it’s all about location, location, location, location.

Old Botany Bypass

This very good path takes you from East Pollock Road to the Pattee Mall and back again. It’s set at an optimal angle for traveling northwest from common locations such as the HUB and Thomas. It’s also worth mentioning the line of trees that run parallel to it, adding natural scenery and keeping it cool in the dog days of August September October.

Elite Paths

South HUB Express

This path at the very bottom of the HUB lawn truly has it all. An optimal angle for hauling ass on your way to class, steep changes in elevation, perfect fall scenery, and it gets you where you need to go. This old, faithful HUB diagonal is likely the most travelled path for anyone living on the east side of State College. Personally, I would probably be late to every class on the west-half of campus if it weren’t for this incredible path.

Millennium Science Complex Trio

Leave it to those scientists to devise three of the best diagonal paths on campus. With one running from the heart of the building to the intersection of Pollock and Bigler Roads and two heading southwest — or northeast if you please — at varying degrees of steepness, these paths have you covered in every direction you would ever need to walk across the vast Millennium Science Complex lawn.

This trio also earns bonus points for its elegant A-shaped design and its extension across Pollock Road all the way to South. This collection of paths will get you wherever you need to go in a jiffy.

Old Main Highway

By far the longest path on this list, the southmost diagonal across Old Main Lawn will take you from the east side of the HUB lawn by West College Ave. straight past the Obelisk all the way to the Electrical Engineering Buildings. Not only does it provide the best view of all of the paths, but it also takes you the distance.

Honorable Mentions

Crossing Field Hockey Paths

These two paths to the west of the Field Hockey Complex crack the list of honorable mentions on the strength of its scenery alone. They may not necessarily be in a commonly traversed part of campus, but the surrounding trees and sitting area at their intersection establish them as some of the prettiest paths on campus. Plus, the two crossing paths form the only set of perpendicular walkways I could find on campus.

Random Stuckeman Exit Path

One of the shortest and seemingly least significant paths on campus, this little diagonal from the back exit of the Arts and Architecture building deserves to be mentioned because of its story alone.

According to my friend who is an RA in North, this short slant did not exist before spring 2019. However, after students continuously refused to walk all the way around to the parallel sidewalk and wore a path in the grass, the university had no choice but to lay down the concrete.

This brings us to the final category of diagonal paths on campus:

Where’s The F*ckin’ Path Paths

Old Main

There are four whole paths that lead right up to Old Main, which would be perfect if it was 1872 and all of our classes were in Old Main. What we really need is two diagonals from each corner of the lawn — as illustrated in red above — to help us traverse the sprawling field and make it to Willard on time without having to walk extra distance on poorly angled paths.

HUB

In the same spirit as the much-needed Old Main paths, we could also use crossing paths over the middle of the HUB lawn, so we don’t have to take the walk of shame across the grass when we’re obviously running late. These paths just make sense, and all I ask is that future classes strongly consider paving the way for their class gifts.