Shockingly, we’re not all that surprised that your hookup stories keep getting worse and worse — or better and better, depending on how you look at it.

If you thought last week’s episode of Nittany Quickie was wild, just wait until you read this week’s. Sit back, relax, maybe grab some popcorn, and enjoy our second installment of Nittany Quickie.

The Stacks

“I was dating a girl at the time who had a real penchant for hooking up in risky places. She said she wanted to bang in the library during her lunch break, so I obliged and we went to the Stacks to get it poppin’. There were people everywhere, and it was legitimately thrilling. I had to keep peering through the shelves to keep an eye on our surroundings and nearby students slaving away studying for finals.

It was a standing-doggystyle situation, in case you’re wondering (I know you are). After we finished I tore a page out of a book to clean up the, *ahem*, end result, because I’m a gentleman and a scholar.

A suspicious employee approached the area we were in maybe one minute after we got our clothes back on. We acted nonchalantly and she kept moving. Crisis averted!”

Now that’s what we call putting a book to good use!

Old Main Lawn After Gaffeoke

“After a long night of Gaffeoke right before graduation, I was getting vibes all night that this guy wanted to hook up. We left the Gaff together on the way to his apartment. We passed Old Main on the way. I quickly mentioned that I’ve always wanted to hook up there. His eyes lit up as soon as I said it but unfortunately it had been pouring rain the majority of the night until this point so the grass was soaked.

Long story short, we went back to his apartment just to get a towel so that we could lay it down a do the deed on the lawn. Because it was finals time, there were many people passing us on the pathways on their way too/from studying on campus. But we were too drunk to care. The next morning he then proceeded to Snapchat me a picture of his grass-stained pants.”

We’re not surprised. Gaff’s pitchers can make people do crazy things.

Willard Building

“It was 2017, and I was at the ESPN GameDay event on Old Main Lawn (Yes, I’m an alum) and after the event was over, I struck up a conversation with an undergrad who asked me if I wanted to get some coffee. As we started walking toward a place on campus, she said she had to use the restroom in Willard. I wondered why she wanted to use the one on the third floor and when she came out I realized why. She didn’t want coffee, and chances are she didn’t need to use the restroom. We proceeded to go down on each other in an empty classroom and could hear the fans outside walking by.”

The Willard Preacher probably wouldn’t approve, but after all, he doesn’t really approve of much to begin with.

Hole #8 of Penn State Golf’s White Course

“I was playing golf with my girlfriend at the time and one thing led to another. The best part of the story is that it happened during the summer in broad daylight — gives new meaning to getting a hole in one!”

419 Old Main, The Lion’s Paw Office

“I was drinking at the Phyrst one Thursday, when I started talking to a pretty girl with a mysterious aura about her. She mentioned something about being involved with some leadership thing at Penn State, but frankly, I was too many Trash Cans in to remember specifically. She started touching my arm and suggested we go to Champs to meet up with some of her other friends. We waited in line for a while before we finally got in, but I continued to meet some strange people who were also involved in leadership or some kind, and even someone from the soccer team.

After a while of some more awkward conversation, she suggested we go to “the Den.” I thought she was talking about another bar, but she was really vibing with me so I followed on.

To my surprise, she began walking toward Old Main, which I was a little too drunk to question. Eventually, I mustered the courage to ask where we were going, to which she said, “I told you, we were going to Den,” with a wink. We climbed a seemingly endless number of stairs, before reaching a mysterious door, labeled 419. We went in, and she said to me in a breathy voice, dragging my hand to a seemingly ancient green velvet couch, “I’ve always wanted to fuck on this.” Safe to say, that led to a weird night of fun and possibly the craziest sex I’ve had at Penn State.”

The myth that is Lion’s Paw lives on.

Atherton Computer Lab

“My girlfriend and I at the time were up late studying (cramming) for a MGMT 301 Test in the Atherton Computer Lab. We were probably there for a solid 2-3 hours studying and had started to call it a night around 2:30 a.m. At that point, we realized that we were the only ones in there for the last 30 minutes at least. At that moment, we started to get the idea and it happened. We had our quickie on the couch in front of the fireplace of the computer lab and then decided to go again on the table to the right of the fireplace. We finished up in the shower and finally called it a night about an hour later at 4 a.m. We didn’t do too hot on the exam, but probably because we used it all the night before.”

You can always retake a class, but you can’t retake a late-night “study” sesh.

These responses were edited for clarity and brevity. If you have a crazy, wild hookup story you want to submit, be our guest and do so here.