Regardless if you asked for it or never really wanted another installation, Nittany Quickie is back this week with even wilder hookup stories.

From the lawn of Pattee Mall to Forum 111 — it’s starting to get disturbing thinking about all of the places you crazy folks have “done it.” Nevertheless, someones got to give the public all of the insane Penn State hookup stories they desire, and we’re just the people to do it. Enjoy.

Old Main Lawn

“I visited my boyfriend during his summer session and after going out, we couldn’t wait to get back to his dorm, [but we] figured his roommate would be there. We somehow ventured to Old Main Lawn and decided a big tree with low branches to hide us would work. It probably didn’t hide us. We fully had sex and my clothes were stained with dirt. Great first visit!”

If we had a nickel for every time we heard about someone hooking up on Old Main Lawn …

Pattee Mall’s Lawn

“It was graduation night and my then-boyfriend-now-husband and I were strolling back home from the Creamery, so we cut through the path underneath the library and planned to walk down the Pattee Mall. Then we saw the tent, and nobody was around, so the natural thing to do was get down to it in the grass in front of the library. It was great. Great sex. Great that the people walking by outside never spotted us. Great way to end a great four years.”

Well, at least you found another lawn beside Old Main’s to bump uglies on.

Forum 111

“The girl I was seeing freshman year and I were definitely night owls. We liked to go on long walks at odd hours of the night. This one time, in particular, we were up at 3 a.m. wandering around campus when we passed right by Forum. She looks at me and says, ‘Wouldn’t it be funny if we hooked up in Forum right now?’

I immediately hopped on the idea, frivolously trying every door in the building. They were all locked. Bummed and feeling defeated, I see the handicap automatic door sign. Sure enough, that puppy worked. We go down to the professors’ desk (where my own professor taught a class the next day), and we got it on. Quickly, I found out she had a kink for professors and I willingly played the part. You could say I couldn’t keep a straight face when the next day my professor laid across that very desk. So when in doubt, try the automatic handicap button. It might just get you laid.”

That’s some damn fine innovation.

Atherton Hotel Parking Lot

“I went to a random party I knew no one at. Immediately upon entering said party, I literally pointed out a hot guy totally my type to my friends and said ‘that one.’ The guy saw me do it and came over to me, and we started chatting. Within I’d say five minutes, we were making out.

We left the party shortly after to go to the Den. When the line at the Den was too long, as always, so we just left and started walking and making out. We made it to the Atherton Hotel where we did the deed on top of a random BMW. After the deed was done I said “Wham, bam, thank you, man,” and proceeded to hitchhike home. Those were the days of reckless abandon.”

Ah, love at first sight. <3

Civil Engineer Lounge in Sackett Building

“Both of us had roommates and I had swipe access to the lounge where I knew there was a couch. We had great sex for quite a long while. It was around 8 p.m. on Sunday, so no one was in the building. We also hooked up in the White Building’s dance rooms one time, but the Civil Engineer Lounge was where we did the actual deed.”

You truly found love in a hopeless place (and yes, that’s a joke about engineers).

These responses were edited for clarity and brevity. If you have a crazy, wild hookup story you want to submit, be our guest and do so here.