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Overheard On Zeno’s Bathroom Walls

For whatever reason, people insist on bringing Sharpies to bars and leaving messages in the bathroom for all who come after them to appreciate. Sometimes, the graffiti is humorous. Other times, it’s as insightful as Marcus Aurelius’ Meditations. But more often than not, it’s people’s phone numbers and curiously-drawn body parts.

Bar bathroom art is a weird pastime that sober you might not quite understand, but drunk you will probably find hilarious at 1:30 a.m. You can find the smudged creations at pretty much every bar in State College, but none come close to the poetry and mystique emanating from the restrooms at Zeno’s.

As you look up from the urinal, you’re both captivated by bathroom’s grandeur and 360 degrees of artistry and inspired by its uplifting messages and vivid illustrations that are said to reveal truths about this world. It truly is a thing of beauty.

Onward State sent a few staffers and friends of the blog into the Sistine Chapel of bar bathrooms this week to find the best nuggets of wisdom, #MotivationMonday quotes, and bar tour commemorations that the bar’s hipster grad student patrons have left behind over the years. Here’s a look at what we found:

The exact moment the Rye IPA hits:

Tired: skimming through this was while drying your hands

Wired: reading it in Al Pacino’s voice in Any Given Sunday, beating your chest saying “Hell yeah,” and storming out of the bathroom to go rally and win your next game of pool.

*whispers*

“There’s also a third reason…when it’s Thursday and you can get a Rye IPA and a shot of rye for $5.”

Come for the Wednesday night pulled pork special. Stay for the political discourse that rivals the Acropolis.

Let’s pretend these were written by the same person on the same night.

Unfortunately, the phone number was crossed out. But if you still want a good dad joke, email [email protected].

Maybe Onward State commenters should frequent Zeno’s more often…

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About the Author

Anthony Colucci

Anthony Colucci was once Onward State’s managing editor and preferred walk-on honors student who majored in psychology and public relations. Despite being from the make-believe land of Central Jersey, he was never a Rutgers fan. If you ever want to know how good Saquon Barkley's ball security is, ask Anthony what happened when he tried to force a fumble at the Mifflin Streak. If you want to hear the story or are bored and want to share prequel memes, follow @_anthonycolucci on Twitter or email him at [email protected] All other requests and complaints should be directed to Onward State media contact emeritus Steve Connelly.

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