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Overheard At Penn State’s ‘Universal’ COVID-19 Testing Site

If you are back on campus for the spring semester, there’s a good chance that you have already heard about Penn State’s “universal” COVID-19 testing process.

Even though getting tested can be a stressful and serious process, you could still get a good laugh from your testing site to make it a little more bearable.

Here are some of the best things we’ve overheard at Penn State’s universal testing site this week.

Guy who is too much for COVID-19 to handle: “I definitely don’t have COVID.”

Girl who isn’t immune to the virus: “Fuck, I think I have COVID.”
Probably her roommate: “Well, shit. Then I have it too.”

Guy who is trying to break the awkward silence of waiting for test results: “What’s the point of scheduling if we have to wait half an hour?”

Someone who doesn’t like rule-breakers: “Any line cutting will get you removed from the site!”

Girl who wants to have a good time this weekend: “I test out tomorrow, and the people who have COVID are out of quarantine on Friday, so we are having a party this weekend.”

Guy operating under a false identity: “Oh, I accidentally used my friend’s barcode.”

Religious student when he realizes the line wrapped around to the HUB Parking Deck garage: “Jesus Christ!”

Guy who is trying to flirt: “Woah, this shirt would look much better on your bedroom floor.”
The girl he was flirting with: “I disagree.”

Girl who’s never picked her nose: “I need to shove this all the way up my nose? Are you kidding me? Gross.”

Guy who’s got his priorities straight: “Can’t believe I’m missing ‘The Bachelor’ for this. And our DVR broke!”

Girl who’s got her priorities straight, running back into the gym: “Wait! I forgot my free t-shirt!”

Guy who’s fondly missing the good ol’ days: “Man, I miss spitting in those tubes. Got a loogie all saved up for nothing.”

Girl who’s planning ahead: “I told my dad I’m giving up COVID for Lent and I think he believed me.”

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About the Author

Frankie Marzano

Frankie is a sophomore accounting and economics major from Long Island, NY. You can probably recognize him as the typical Italian-American with slicked back black hair. He is an avid fan of the Rangers, Jets, Mets, and any Penn State athletics team. Follow him on Twitter @frankiemarzano for obnoxious amounts of Penn State and Rangers content.


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