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Your Official Penn State-Michigan Drinking Game

It’s Michigan hate week, folks.

That’s right — we finally made it to Penn State’s annual matchup against the Wolverines. This time around, it’s the No. 5 Nittany Lions vs. the No. 10 Wolverines, so it should be an exciting one, to say the least.

The Nittany Lions head into Ann Arbor to begin a crucial three-game stretch coming off a bye week, which historically hasn’t been kind to Penn State. However, this is a different team with a different mindset, and fans are hopeful Penn State may become a top competitor in the Big Ten.

Regardless of what may happen, we’ve got you covered for the Big Noon Kickoff matchup with this week’s official drinking game.

  • Crack a bev to get the day started. It’s going to be a long one, folks.
  • Take a sip for every “And Michigan Still Sucks” you hear. (By the way, it sucks.)
  • After you’re done laughing at Michigan’s “Maize Out,” take a sip.
  • Take a nice, loooong sip if Michigan starts the game on a three-and-out.
  • Take a shot if Sean Clifford rushes for the first touchdown of the game.
  • Finish your drink if Penn State fumbles the ball. (Northwestern vibes)
  • Take a sarcastic sip if the broadcast mentions Michigan winning the Big Ten championship last year. You may not like Michigan, but its first championship in *checks notes* 17 years is cool!
  • Take a sip if one of your friends mixed up Jim and John Harbaugh. One is way more successful than the other, but we’re just glad Penn State plays against the inferior one.
  • Crack open a new one if Penn State goes into the half with the lead.
    • Might as well crack a new one if the Nittany Lions are losing, too.
  • Take a shot for each Nittany Lion sack.
  • Take a sip if Parker Washington finally scores a touchdown. It’s long overdue at this point.
  • Speaking of overdue, take another sip if Joey Porter finally gets an interception.
  • Cheers to your friend next to you if someone says, “Clifford for Heisman.”
  • Chug for five seconds if Penn State scores more than 14 points. The Wolverines have held their opponents to an average of 11.3 points per game, but seriously, they haven’t played anyone.
  • Chug water when the third quarter ends. Trust us, you’ll need it.
  • Have a shot on standby if the game’s result comes down to the last play.
  • Finish your drink if Penn State wins.
    • Bonus: Take a shot if you plan on marching down College Avenue after the game.
  • If Penn State loses, you may want to reach into your liquor cabinet and bust open a new bottle. Drown out the pain.
  • Cheers to a friend if they say, “This may be our year” after the game. Shit, it might be.

As always, have fun, stay safe, and drink responsibly.

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About the Author

Tobey Prime

Tobey is a senior studying broadcast journalism from Lancaster, PA. He is a major Pittsburgh sports fan and Miami Heat fanatic. When Tobey isn't writing for Onward State, you can catch him looking at photos of his pugs. Send your best insults to [email protected] or sports takes to @tobey_prime on Twitter.

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