In all the years I’ve been here, it’s been painfully obvious that Penn Staters don’t know how to walk. Going to class is a pain. I have to find new routes just to avoid the hordes of people bumping and shoving to get somewhere that I don’t even want to be.

Onward State wrote a post a decade ago on this subject, but the effects seem to have disappeared over the years. The former tablets have been smashed due to our disregard for them, and I returned to the hallowed Mount Nittany and returned with new ones. The hope is that this time, we won’t fail like before.

I. Thou Shalt Walk Speedily

The first commandment boils down to common sense, something those on the sidewalk are devoid of.

State College is a beautiful place almost year-round, and it might seem irresistible to mosey and dawdle and enjoy the sights, but dawdling is never a victimless crime. Walking slowly holds everyone back, a kind of weakest-link thing. I’m not saying sprint, but please put some pep in your step, or find an emptier sidewalk.

If, despite all of this, some of you still walk like you’re in a funeral, the least you can do is let the faster ones get through. Another bit of common sense, and another thing that never seems to happen in the real world.

II. Thou Shalt Respect Thy Neighbor’s Personal Space

Whoever walks six inches behind me all the time needs to chill out. There’s more than enough space to walk a few feet apart, and why can’t we do that? Who remembers personal space? This also, of course, goes for slowing down when people are behind you. The thought process behind those people is absolutely unthinkable.

III. Thou Shalt Not Stop In The Middle Of The Path

This commandment should go unsaid, but unfortunately, it’s too common a problem. Often, people will need to stop for some reason: an emergency phone call, can’t find the vape, paralysis, golden hour, the list goes on. These things happen, but walkers should always be aware of their colleagues in situations like this.

Just move out of the way! Please! A sudden stop could cause a twenty-person pileup on Pollock Road if the time’s right. All it takes is a step to the side! There are a hundred benches and a thousand patches of grass worthy of a stop. Use them!

The sidewalk is a place for transport, not socializing. Chance meetings with friends en route to class can be fun, but that doesn’t mean we should form an obstacle for everyone else. Penn State covers 8,000 acres; I’m sure there’s a spot you can branch off to for your little stop and chat.

Disrupting the flow of sidewalk traffic is a sin most foul, and forgiveness for such a thing is hard to find.

IV. Thou Shalt Leave Thy Phone In Thy Pocket

Phones are great, we’re all fans. But, when a walker is glued to the phone while trying to navigate the jungle that is our sidewalks, navigation becomes a second priority to checking Snapchat or whatever young folks are looking at now. This naturally leads to head-on collisions, wrong turns, and even stepping into the street. None are good.

V. All Vehicles Shalt Be Kept From Thy Sidewalk

Okay, this might be a controversial one, but I really don’t care. During the day, there are so many people milling around that there’s no place for bikes or skateboards to be, and yet they always squeeze in. At night, it’s dark here and there, and just plain dangerous to bike around on the sidewalks, yet they always show up. I’d love it if they didn’t hang out on the street either, but hey! We can’t win them all.

VI. Thou Shalt Leave The Cars Be

Penn Staters are notorious jaywalkers. People sprint out at any opening, even if a car is zooming down on a collision course. Cars try to get through, but people keep pouring out on the crosswalk without giving an opening. I think most of these commandments could be boiled down to “don’t be an idiot,” but of course, that doesn’t mean it doesn’t need to be said. Just don’t be an idiot, and even though we don’t care about the cars, give them a chance!

VII. Thou Shalt Mix Up Thy Routes

I’ll call this a loose commandment. Old Testament God probably wouldn’t approve, but here goes. Let’s mix up our walking routes, huh? There are thousands of sidewalks and paths connecting every part of campus and downtown, and yet it seems that 95% of people walk down three of these. All we need to do is take a different – usually shorter – route, and bam! The sidewalks might actually be free for once!

VIII. Thou Shalt Pass Thy Neighbor With Care

No matter what, there’s always going to be slow walkers. Studies say that 50% of people (yes, even you readers) are slow walkers. No matter what I say, or what these hallowed commandments say, people will always walk slowly. Even if you ask nicely, they’ll only walk slower (from real-life experience). So, if you truly need to pass one of these, do it nicely. Say “excuse me,” or “on your left,” and speed up enough to minimize the time you’re in passing. And if you’re being passed, please let them! I beg!

IX. Thou Shalt Leave The Thresholds Clear

This may not be directly involved with sidewalks, but it’s such a big problem, I thought I’d mention it. When classes end and others begin, students are always pressed to get out or in. It’s a fact of life. But, in their urgency, they all pack into the entrances like crabs in a bucket, and no one gets in or out.

Most of these buildings have like ten entrances! Use them! Or at the very least, just slow down until you get through. Believe it or not, things will always go faster when you take it slow.

X. Thou Shalt Remain In Thy Lane

Always walk on the right side. If you can’t remember which is which, remember this trick. Make “L” shapes with both of your hands, and whichever makes an L, that’s left (so stay on the other side). If you can’t remember which way an L goes, then I guess look it up, but I’ll give you a pass this once.

The sidewalks aren’t all that big, I know, but we need to use the space in the most efficient way possible, which doesn’t involve people zig-zagging and going right down the middle. Visualize the sidewalk as a road. You wouldn’t want to drive on the wrong side of the road, would you?