As I sit here writing this in A’s Pub, enjoying a cold Yuengling and listening to the low hum of a Tuesday night, I can’t help but think about how far I’ve come in my four years at Penn State. It’s strange, really strange, how a place that once felt overwhelming and unfamiliar has become the backdrop to some of the most important shifts in who I am. I look around at the same beat‑up glossy tables, the same clatter of glasses, and I feel something settle in me. This place, this loud, messy, college town, has held so many versions of me. And sitting here now, I can see just how much I’ve changed, how much I’ve softened, how much I’ve learned to let go of the person who thought strength meant certainty. The squeeze has been tight, but the juice… the juice tastes like something I earned.

It felt like mine. It felt like home. The squeeze was tight, but the juice tasted exactly like it should.

This is the clearest way I can explain what Penn State has given me, and what it taught me. A thousand small squeezes, moments of pressure, reflection, and recalibration, that added up to something worth drinking. Here’s what I can share.

Growth: Letting Go of the Person Who ‘Knew Everything’

When I showed up to Penn State in August of 2022, I was a different person, one I’m not entirely proud of. I was cocky, angry, and convinced that facing the world with force made me strong. I thought being smart meant having answers. I thought being capable meant pretending I didn’t need help. I thought knowing everything was the goal.

But the truth is, that version of me was mostly armor. Anger was easier than vulnerability. Certainty was easier than curiosity. “Strength” was easier than admitting I was scared of not being enough.

Penn State didn’t break that armor; it softened it. Through the classes I took, conversations I had, and the people who crossed my path, I learned that not knowing is actually the starting point. The best people I met here weren’t the ones who had everything figured out; they were the ones who were curious, open, and willing to learn with me. They showed up every day, not because they had the answers, but because they wanted to find them.

The squeeze was letting go of the ego I didn’t realize I had. The juice was becoming someone who seeks to understand before trying to be understood, and somebody I am proud to be.

Onward State: Learning by Jumping In

Onward State was the perfect case study in humility. When I joined the spring semester of my freshman year, I knew nothing about photography or journalism. I barely had a portfolio. I didn’t have experience. I didn’t have a clue. I just had a camera I bought on a whim and a willingness to try something new.

I learned by doing, by messing up stories, adjusting my attitude, and trying again. I learned how to write by writing. I learned how to shoot by shooting. I learned how to tell a story by listening to people who trusted me with theirs. Every mistake became a small step leading me somewhere better.

The squeeze was learning in public, fumbling through new skills, and being okay with not being the best in the room. The juice was discovering confidence built on a willingness to learn.

Photography: A View Into the World

Photography didn’t necessarily change how I saw the world, but it gave me a doorway into it. It pushed me into new spaces, new conversations, and new experiences I never would’ve had otherwise. It forced me to slow down, to pay attention, to notice the small things that make people who they are.

It humbled me. It reminded me that the world is bigger than my perspective and richer than my assumptions. Through it, I got to learn people’s interests through events across campus. I got to see the most interesting parts of society, protests, parades, joy, and anger. As you can surely imagine, there is no shortage of people and stories to be found here at Penn State. Being a photographer was the way I found this out.

The squeeze was stepping into unfamiliar rooms. The juice was becoming more observant, thoughtful, and open to others.

Letting Go Of The ‘Movie Version’ Of College

I came into college expecting the movie version: easily made friends, large groups of people, constant excitement. That’s not what I got. And thank God for that.

I learned to enjoy being alone. I learned to appreciate walking into a room where I didn’t know anyone. I learned that every friend I have now was once a stranger, and that the best connections come from giving yourself the chance to start fresh.

Not knowing anyone became a gift. It meant possibility. It meant opportunity. It meant growth.

The squeeze was releasing the expectations I thought I needed to fulfill. The juice was building a life that actually fit me.

The Juice I’m Taking With Me

The juice I’m walking away with is a new outlook on life. That it is a gift. That you have to pursue the things you want, not the things other people want for you. That time is limited, and you can’t waste it chasing someone else’s goals.

I’m taking with me that kindness matters more than almost anything. The best people I met here were kind to me, to others, to the world around them. That energy is infectious. They showed me that a good approach to life will always be better than anger or malice.

The squeeze was choosing my own path and choosing goodness even when it wasn’t easy. The juice is a worldview shaped by curiosity, empathy, and purpose.

My Takeaway & Advice

If I’ve learned anything worth sharing, it’s this: be kind. Help when you can. Offer grace even when life isn’t offering it to you. You never know what someone is carrying, and it is always worth it to be good rather than be right. When you yourself are squeezed tightly, focus on the good. There is always something working in your favor; find it. Don’t forget the best things in life don’t come free, and don’t be afraid of paying a price.

The squeeze is choosing compassion. The juice is a life built on it.

Thank You

Hannah: Thank you for sticking it out with me. Four years apart was certainly a squeeze, but well worth it. I wouldn’t be half the person I am without you in my life. You have pushed me to be a kinder person, a more understanding friend, and someone I am proud to be. Thank you, I love you.

Alex: Thank you for always having my back, looking out for me, and being the voice of reason. Your friendship has been one of the best parts of Penn State.

Cooper, Evan, Noah: I’m incredibly grateful for our friendship over the past year plus. Meeting you guys was a highlight of my college experience.

Luke: Thank you for being my first-year-at-Penn-State friend. I’m so grateful we met and that you continue to be my friend through thick and thin.

Mikey & Joe: I’m so lucky to have met you when I did. You made an undeniable impact on my love for Penn State, Onward State, and my personal growth.

Sophie, Ashley, CJ: Thank you for giving me a shot. You took a chance on me, and it led to one of the greatest parts of my senior year: helping to run visuals.

Onward State Staffers: Thank you for believing in me, supporting me, and reminding me that there is so much goodness in the world. I will miss you all.

To all those who I crossed paths with: Thank you for making me, me.