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Consensus: Worst. Game. Ever.

PSU ComicBookGuyIt would be easy for me to recap the horror of Saturday’s loss to Ohio State. I could whine on and on about how the 2009 Nittany Lions deserved better, or how things just don’t seem to be going our way. But this has been done many times over (even by us today), with each recap out-sulking the last.

Let’s get the bluntest one out of the way, courtesy of the Centre Daily Times:

Though Penn State is 8-2 now and will be favored to finish 10-2, declare 2009 a total loss.

That’s right – the CDT wants you to know that EVERY SNAP of the season was a waste of our time. Call the boosters up – they should ask for their money back. This was a TOTAL loss. No good here. Might as well have gone 0-12.

The Collegian didn’t have any trouble twisting the knife in my heart with the following headline:

Bright future lies ahead for Pryor, Buckeyes

Are you kidding me? No. This is not the article that makes me go ‘Oh! Why, I can’t wait to muse this over with a cappuccino! How delightful that I come across such a journalistic bon mot this day!’ This belongs under the paper’s new “Resistance is Futile” section between a feature on how there was no definitive evidence that the Imperial forces lost at the end of Return of the Jedi and a report that a new study proves that most of us will never find true love. For the love of God – do you really need to rub salt in the wounds by intimating that this is just the beginning of a trend?

And then, just to make sure that you’re upset, David Jones of the Patriot-News assures us that even if the team finishes out the season strong and improbably gets a BCS bid, we don’t deserve it:

All sorts of inferior two-loss teams have waddled into BCS bowls just based on their musty pedigrees and ability to make money.

So go ahead, Penn State faithful. Waddle into a corner and weep. Feel free to use our musty pedigree as a handkerchief.  Apparently, life is just a cruel joke. Thank goodness one football game showed us the truth.

About the Author


Mark McColey is a Senior majoring in Advertising and Labor-Employment relations. Among his loves are Penn State Football, The Steelers, The Penguins, The Simpsons, Tina Fey, and Arrested Development.


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Gorman Abruptly Resigns

Head coach of the men’s soccer program Barry Gorman unexpectedly announced his resignation Monday. He leaves a legacy of 22 years of coaching and three Big Ten titles in his wake. Citing “personal reasons,” he has left the team to a nation-wide search for his successor.

“We expected Gorman to be there,” [rising Senior and Co-Captain Andres] Casais said of next season. “He was a father figure to us.”

Oof, that can’t feel good. The move isn’t completely out of the blue, as Gorman was periodically absent during the past few weeks without notice. But from all accounts, his intention to resign was only revealed yesterday. On the abandonment scale, this registers just slightly above “going to the store for some cigarettes and never coming back.”

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