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The Phyrst Will Stop Blowing Smoke

Smoke ‘em if ya got ‘em because starting Friday the Phyrst will make you go outside if you want to light up. According to Penn State’s resident printed type peddlers, the decision came after patrons complained about smokiness and a general increase in odors that weren’t drinking-related. When the ban begins, The Phyrst will join many other local establishments that have become smoke-free.

The move has been met with outrage by smokers and general enthusiasm by everybody else. For those of you that desperately want to combine fire and alcohol, Sharkies on 110 Sowers Street still allows such joy and merriment.

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About the Author

John Dempsey

John is a Junior majoring in Journalism from Hazleton, PA. He is so awesome that sharks dedicate a week to him.
Likes: Video games, vigilante justice, irony, talking bears, Burt Reynolds, El Chupacabra, coloring books, chainsaws, and Australians.
Dislikes: Zombies, clowns, zombie clowns, turtleneck sweaters, Apple, poor mustache grooming, nuclear winter, Roman architecture, guacamole, robots, LCD TVs, the color yellow, Velcro, ceiling fans, sprinklers, tornadoes, Belgians, squat thrusts, and romantic comedies.

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The 3 Keys to Never Graduating

It is that time of year again. The weather is getting warmer when it feels like it and we switch to shorter pants just as the insects begin to multiply. It is a magical time of year that some of us will see for the last time in State College. For those lucky few, not going to class this week is a sign of maturity. With a college degree ensured, the world awaits you. Unless you’re in the Liberal Arts, of course. Then, your mother’s couch awaits you. However, there exist among us the ones that dare to take it to the next level. The ones that can’t get enough binge drinking, construction, and parking citations. The ones that will never graduate. How do they do it? Very, very smugly. These are the keys to never leaving Penn State.

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