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Day: April 1, 2014

Collegian’s Dick and Jane Become Born-Again Virgins, Start New Abstinence Column For Onward State

The Daily Collegian's sex columnists Dick and Jane are newly born-again virgins. They have stopped writing their sex column to pursue a new topic: Abstinence. They will now write for Onward State every Thursday about not having sex and why it's awesome.

PS4RS Listens to ‘Sweet Caroline’ for the First Time, Now Thinks It’s Awful

After several years of arguing that the Neil Diamond hit "Sweet Caroline" should be played in Beaver Stadium, PS4RS has switched its stance, and is now opposed to the song being played anywhere within a 60 mile radius of State College.

Gaff Bouncers Resign, Become THON R&R Captains

THON has just announced that bouncers from the Shandygaff will serve as the newest Rules and Regulations Captains for 2015.

Beyoncé Announced as Surprise Movin’ On Headliner

Sources now confirm that Penn Stater’s will finally get a chance to see the pop queen, as this year’s surprise headlining act at the Movin’ On spring music festival.

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