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Overheard In The Men’s Bathroom At THON

By: Alex Bauer

With the final hours of THON 2015 underway, students continue to fill the Bryce Jordan Center; some excited and energized, some fighting back fatigue, and others that just really have to pee. Earlier today, we shared what we overheard in the women’s bathroom. Now the men’s bathroom at THON isn’t even remotely normal. Guys opt for the few stalls in order to get a quick break from their feet, almost cheating from being in the stands. With that said, here’s what was overheard when students go to drain the main vein:

“Yeah morale is high right now, man! I feel awesome!” –Enthusiastic bathroom guy

“Yeah… sure, man…” –Guy who doubts Enthusiastic bathroom guy

“OH GOD NO!” –Guy who really had to poo, only to have his spirits absolutely crushed by the long line in the bathroom (probably)

“Everybody gotta poop!” –Man who confidently marched straight into the bathroom

“I’m never getting back to my seat in time” –A fella just taking care of business

“HERE WE GO!” –Guy who’s super pumped to be taking a dump

“I have to take a shit, come piss with me” –Guy who can’t make up his mind

“What is the discharge rate… Well instead of one big pump lets go with two smaller pumps” –Older gentleman who appears to be in the pump business having an unfortunately timed business call in the bathroom

“I could go three fortnights without taking a shit” –The William Shakespeare of holding-it-in

“Good Lord… Actually I just have to piss”

“Yeah I just took a crap, it was really long… The line! The line was long!” –Guy who felt the need to clarify

About the Author

Alex Bauer

Alex graduated in Spring 2018 with a major in Corporate Innovation and Entrepreneurship. He was a first generation Penn Stater from Cheshire, Connecticut along with his two sisters. His favorite things are dogs, coffee, and dogs that shoot hot jets of coffee out of their mouths. If you are Mad Online™ about something Alex wrote on the internet, you can send him threatening emails at [email protected], or harass him on Snapchat and Instagram @TheAlexBauer.


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