Things More Fashionable Than Jim Harbaugh’s Khakis

Dear Jim Harbaugh: Pleats are just not a good look.

Although you now wear Jordan brand khakis instead of your trademark Walmart ones, we still think you could use some advice. Your team might be good, but there are simply limitless better alternatives to your infamous pants — it doesn’t have to be like this.

Don’t you want to win in style? All of these things are better options than your current in-game attire:

The Pajamas You Wear When You Have Sleepovers With Recruits 

Jim Harbaugh Onesie

Michigan’s uniforms aren’t quite up to Oregon’s standards to win over recruits. The next best thing for you has to be showing off that gaudy M on a nice, cozy onesie.

Paterno’s Rolled Up Khakis

Joe Paterno pants

Simply put, there is no better way to wear khakis than rolled up with a pair of black Nikes. At Penn State home games, fans go wild for the one moment that they see Joe’s white socks and black shoes in the pregame hype video. I haven’t heard of anyone at the Big House showing pleats the same admiration.


michigan sorts

If you still have some bitter feelings towards the 49ers for firing you, why not just take out the lingering frustration on their new stadium’s sponsor and cut up some Levi’s? Plus, who doesn’t love jorts? Especially when they are a dark enough shade of blue to complement the maize, whatever that is. We hear that’s the style up in Ann Arbor.

Bill Belichick’s Sweatshirts

Bill belichick

Sure, the hoodie doesn’t carry the same class that Tom Landry’s fedora or Derrek Dooley’s orange pants do, but the winning tradition makes up for it. Considering the hoodie’s added benefits of sleeves that can be easily cut off to make the look work for any season, a convenient pocket, and a striking resemblance to Darth Sidius, You should definitely take some notes from another coach who often walks the line in the rulebook.

Convocation Shirts

Convocation 2016 freshmen

Convocation shirts come in some pretty distinct colors that really make you stand out anytime you wear them. We’re sure at least one student would be willing to donate one bright enough to distract fans from your pleats. IST’s yellow shirt is as close as you can get to maize.

Harambe Shirts

RIP Harambe

The concern of this article was khakis, but after you went shirtless at this practice, we feel like every once in a while you need a reminder to cover up. If we’re making you wear a shirt, why not honor a fellow former Ohio resident, one we all miss so very much?



Along with being waterproof and having holes that allow for optimal ventilation, Crocs give you the best of both worlds: the ease of flip flops and the stability of closed-toe shoes. They even come in Michigan colors so, like the onesie, they are sure to appeal to recruits’ yen for schools with the freshest apparel.

The Willard Preacher’s Wardrobe

Since the Willard Preacher is always so willing to impart his wisdom on students, I’m sure he would gladly give you some pointers — not just about repenting your sins (does eating boogers count?) but also about switching up your look. Anything, and we mean anything, is better than pleats.

NBA Jerseys With Sleeves

nba jerseys with sleeves

Now that Michigan is a Jordan-sponsored team, MJ can probably hook you up with one of his Charlotte Hornets’ new, highly sought after jerseys with sleeves.

We’ll just leave this here:

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About the Author

Anthony Colucci

Anthony Colucci was once Onward State’s managing editor and preferred walk-on honors student who majored in psychology and public relations. Despite being from the make-believe land of Central Jersey, he was never a Rutgers fan. If you ever want to know how good Saquon Barkley's ball security is, ask Anthony what happened when he tried to force a fumble at the Mifflin Streak. If you want to hear the story or are bored and want to share prequel memes, follow @_anthonycolucci on Twitter or email him at [email protected]. All other requests and complaints should be directed to Onward State media contact emeritus Steve Connelly.

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