The Best UPUA Election Write-Ins, 2017 Edition
Even though this year’s UPUA election shattered student voter turnout records, some people chose not to vote for actual candidates at all. When you give 40,000 students the reins to elect whoever they want, strange things can happen.
Here’s your friendly reminder that a gerbil nearly won the student body presidency with a write-in campaign.
Katie Jordan and Alex Shockley handily won this year’s executive race, but voters still wrote in 87 votes for neither Jordan/Shockley or the competing Geisinger/Zurita-Coronado ticket. Twenty at-large representative seats were filled, but voters managed to come up with a total of 203 write-in representative candidates — some more creative than others.
Without further ado, these are by far the best write-in votes of the 2017 UPUA Election.
Harambe — 1 Presidential, 13 At-Large
Always in our hearts and in our student government assembly.
Donald Trump — 5 Presidential, 7 At-Large
Although Hillary Clinton won Centre County in the actual presidential election, a number of students think the president of the United States would be a great fit for student body president, as well.
Penn State Superfan — 2 Presidential, 1 At-Large
Your friendly neighborhood Penn State Superfan. We like to imagine this write-in fighting crime in Happy Valley.
Wisconsin blew a 28-7 lead — 1 Presidential
Mickey Mouse — 3 At-Large
He’s not so far off from a gerbil…
Bees are dying at an alarming rate — 1 At-Large
At least someone is here to talk about the real issues.
Collegian is a waste of university funds — 1 At-Large
You know what doesn’t waste your student fee dollars? Your favorite news blog.
Daylong Szn — 1 At-Large
Other noteworthy write-ins:
- Saquon Barkley
- Timmy Turner
- Willard Preacher with running mate President [sic] Baron
- Beethoven da Dog
- Beta Theta Pi’s Empty House
- Big Play Will Gay
- Bob Saget
- Boombox Guy
- Bring back frat socials
- Cash me ousside girl
- Dale Earnhardt Sr.
- Deez nuts
- Den Tuesday
- Dirty Dan
- Dwight Shrute
- Eric Stratton, Rush Chairman, Damn Glad to meet ya
- Frank Ocean’s new album
- Franklin’s left ball
- Free Bird
- Hi Onward State (Editor’s note: Hi.)
- Hulk Hogan
- Jake, from State Farm
- Jar Jar Binks
- Jesus Christ
- Joe Paterno
- Joe PaToaster
- Kanye West
- LionPATH ??
- Lord Farquaad
- Make Frats Great Again
- Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch
- Mayor McCheese
- Memes about my sadness
- Michael Scott
- Mike the Mailman
- Movin’ On costs too much for the artists they get
- Nicholas Cage
- Pat Chambers 87-109
- Phyrst Happy Hour
- Pokémon Go
- Poopy Face Tomato Nose
- Santa Claus
- Savemy GPA
- Science Bitch Leader
- Send Nudes
- Skillet Fries but only when they’re $3.50
- Sneezy the Penn State Squirrel
- Stone Cold Steve Austin
- That lion from Madagascar
- That one monster from Monster’s Inc. where he gets a sock on his back
- The Burger King
- THE Demogorgon
- The Ghost of Myron Cope
The kid who opens his laptop in class and porn starts playing
The look on Jim Delany’s face when he had to present the B1G Trophy to James Franklin
The New Downtown Champs
The students who are still protesting the election
The Thompson Hall pizza slice from 2015
- Trace McSorley
- Troy Bolton
- Turks can survive nukes
- Weezer, but not Beverly Hills
- Woody (From Toy Story get your mind out of the gutter)
- Woody (not from Toy Story)
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About the Author
With no canning weekends held this year and canvassing eventually suspended as well, this year’s total is a testament to how committed THON volunteers truly are.
Totals aside, congratulations to every organization that volunteered with THON throughout this year to raise more than $10 million for the kids.
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