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The Best UPUA Election Write-Ins, 2017 Edition

Even though this year’s UPUA election shattered student voter turnout records, some people chose not to vote for actual candidates at all. When you give 40,000 students the reins to elect whoever they want, strange things can happen.

Here’s your friendly reminder that a gerbil nearly won the student body presidency with a write-in campaign.

Katie Jordan and Alex Shockley handily won this year’s executive race, but voters still wrote in 87 votes for neither Jordan/Shockley or the competing Geisinger/Zurita-Coronado ticket. Twenty at-large representative seats were filled, but voters managed to come up with a total of 203 write-in representative candidates — some more creative than others.

Without further ado, these are by far the best write-in votes of the 2017 UPUA Election.

Harambe — 1 Presidential, 13 At-Large

Always in our hearts and in our student government assembly.

Donald Trump — 5 Presidential, 7 At-Large

Although Hillary Clinton won Centre County in the actual presidential election, a number of students think the president of the United States would be a great fit for student body president, as well.

Penn State Superfan — 2 Presidential, 1 At-Large

Your friendly neighborhood Penn State Superfan. We like to imagine this write-in fighting crime in Happy Valley.

Wisconsin blew a 28-7 lead — 1 Presidential

Never forget.

Mickey Mouse — 3 At-Large

He’s not so far off from a gerbil…

Bees are dying at an alarming rate — 1 At-Large

At least someone is here to talk about the real issues.

Collegian is a waste of university funds — 1 At-Large

You know what doesn’t waste your student fee dollars? Your favorite news blog.

Daylong Szn — 1 At-Large

RIP.

Other noteworthy write-ins:

  • Beyonce
  • Saquon Barkley
  • Timmy Turner
  • Willard Preacher with running mate President [sic] Baron
  • Anal?
  • Beethoven da Dog
  • Beta Theta Pi’s Empty House
  • Big Play Will Gay
  • Bob Saget
  • Boombox Guy
  • Bring back frat socials
  • Cash me ousside girl
  • Dale Earnhardt Sr.
  • Deez nuts
  • Den Tuesday
  • Dirty Dan

  • Dwight Shrute
  • Eric Stratton, Rush Chairman, Damn Glad to meet ya
  • Frank Ocean’s new album
  • Franklin’s left ball
  • Free Bird
  • Hi Onward State (Editor’s note: Hi.)
  • Hulk Hogan
  • Jake, from State Farm
  • Jar Jar Binks
  • Jesus Christ
  • Joe Paterno
  • Joe PaToaster
  • Kanye West
  • LionPATH ??
  • Lord Farquaad
  • Make Frats Great Again
  • Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch
  • Mayor McCheese
  • Memes about my sadness
  • Michael Scott
  • Mike the Mailman
  • Movin’ On costs too much for the artists they get
  • Nicholas Cage
  • Pat Chambers 87-109
  • Phyrst Happy Hour
  • Pokémon Go
  • Poopy Face Tomato Nose
  • Santa Claus
  • Savemy GPA
  • Science Bitch Leader
  • Send Nudes
  • Skillet Fries but only when they’re $3.50
  • Sneezy the Penn State Squirrel
  • Stone Cold Steve Austin
  • That lion from Madagascar
  • That one monster from Monster’s Inc. where he gets a sock on his back
  • The Burger King
  • THE Demogorgon
  • The Ghost of Myron Cope
  • The kid who opens his laptop in class and porn starts playing
  • The look on Jim Delany’s face when he had to present the B1G Trophy to James Franklin
  • The New Downtown Champs
  • The students who are still protesting the election
  • The Thompson Hall pizza slice from 2015
  • The Weasel

  • Trace McSorley
  • Troy Bolton
  • Turks can survive nukes
  • Weezer, but not Beverly Hills
  • Woody (From Toy Story get your mind out of the gutter)
  • Woody (not from Toy Story)
  • Yoda

About the Author

Elissa Hill

Elissa is a senior public relations major and the managing editor of Onward State. She is from Punxsutawney, PA [insert corny Bill Murray joke here] and considers herself an expert on all things ice cream. Send questions and comments via e-mail ([email protected]) and follow her on Twitter (@ElissaKHill) for more corny jokes.

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