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Everything Bo Nickal Could Turn

Bo Nickal’s fall over Myles Martin in the NCAA Finals clinched Penn State wrestling’s third straight team title and demonstrated how truly powerful he is, rewriting the laws of physics and dramatically stunning the entire Quicken Loans Arena.

For those who might not be familiar with the superhuman might of Bo Nickal or for those who just can’t get enough (don’t be ashamed as the author of this post has viewed it 18 times in the last 36 hours), we’ll show it one more time for the pleasure of watching the baddest man alive pillage the Worst State Ever and prolong the reign of what some might consider the Evil Empire of College Wrestling.

Just how strong is Bo Nickal, you ask? Strong enough to turn a whole lot more than Myles Martin’s beefy frame over. Some of these things include…

Cael Sanderson’s Perpetual Frown, Upside Down

To be fair, Cael Sanderson displayed an unusually candid expression of emotion after Nickal’s fall.

Benedict Arnold’s Flighty Allegiance

It might have to take some good ol’ Texas-strong brute force, but Bo Nickal could definitely convince American history’s most famous traitor to rejoin the winning blue team instead of the losing red team. Ha.

Soulja Boy’s Swag On

“Put my team on [my back] and now my whole click stunting’. Boy, what’s up?”

The Turntables

Kind of fitting, considering the how quickly and drastically the course of events in the first period of Saturday night’s match changed.

Oh, Myles, how the turntables…

Rutgers’ Athletic Program Around

What was supposed to boost the Rutgers’ athletic program has resulted in a 7-27 record in conference football games and a 9-63 record in conference basketball games since the team joined the Big Ten in 2014.

As unlikely as it might seem, never doubt the power of Bo Nickal. He can do truly anything — even reverse the misfortune and ineptitude of the armpit of the Big Ten. Fans can rest assured though that Nickal won’t ever leave Penn State (He enjoys winning big matches and team titles too much).

But even if he did, Rutgers could use a former Penn State wrestler who can get it done in March. Maybe then the Scarlet Knights could bring their eternal nosedive to a halt.

Email Notifications Of All The Clubs’ Listservs You Joined During The First Week Of Freshman Year Off

There is an easy way to do it, but if you don’t want to go through the hassle, let Bo Nickal take care of it and free up your inbox of emails from the “positive infinity” deluge of emails.

Down, For What

If this isn’t the pose you strike when the beat drops in this DJ Snake/Lil Jon party classic, why bother?

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About the Author

Anthony Colucci

Anthony Colucci was once Onward State’s managing editor and preferred walk-on honors student who majored in psychology and public relations. Despite being from the make-believe land of Central Jersey, he was never a Rutgers fan. If you ever want to know how good Saquon Barkley's ball security is, ask Anthony what happened when he tried to force a fumble at the Mifflin Streak. If you want to hear the story or are bored and want to share prequel memes, follow @_anthonycolucci on Twitter or email him at [email protected]. All other requests and complaints should be directed to Onward State media contact emeritus Steve Connelly.

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