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OPP Mops Floor With Three-Pronged Spread Offense Attack

Did you know that OPP Director Brendan Hanna bumped into Sean McVay in the HUB Starbucks line one time?

We don’t know either, but you could say that fortuitous exchange of offensive expertise is what inspired Hanna’s cleaning crew’s strategic plan when it mopped the floor at THON Saturday morning.

OPP and Bryce Jordan Center staff divided the floor into thirds and moved across it in phases methodically and swiftly like any great spread offense. After 12 hours of dancing, plenty of dirt and debris had caked up, proving to be a formidable opponent fit for only the toughest cleaning crew.

A team of OPP committee members swept up the garbage with traditional pans and brushes, before additional members relieved them with mops and buckets. BJC employees, the closers in the cleaning business, finished the job on their fan-favorite zamboni-esque floor washers.

The three-pronged attack seemed to debut during THON 2017 and yields more efficient results than the previous strategy. We’ll keep you updated how the strategy evolves throughout the weekend in order to tackle new messes.

Like any great offensive line, the R&R committee members holding the rope that divided the floor into thirds were severely underrated in the cleaning process. Look at the precision of that divide! The floor might as well be the Red Sea!

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About the Author

Anthony Colucci

Anthony Colucci is Onward State’s news editor, a preferred walk-on honors student, and a junior majoring in psychology and public relations. Despite being from the make-believe land of Central Jersey, he was never a Rutgers fan. If you ever want to know how good Saquon Barkley's ball security is, ask Anthony what happened when he tried to force a fumble at the Mifflin Streak. If you want to hear the story or are bored and want to share prequel memes, follow @_anthonycolucci on Twitter or email him at [email protected] All other requests and complaints should be directed to Onward State media contact Steve Connelly.


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