Many meals will be consumed in the Bryce Jordan Center over the course of THON Weekend. And while the dining options diversify year after year, the choices are still quite bland and unsubstantial. Not to mention that the meal plan discount doesn’t exist inside the arena.

The lack of satisfying food items got us thinking. Is there a way to make dinner inside the BJC without having to spend a fortune?   

I thought hard about feasible options and had trouble coming up with something that would be complex and tasty. After all, access to a stove is not really an option. 

But when I nearly burned my hands in the bathroom sink, it suddenly clicked. I’m about to teach you how to make a hearty, delicious dish that you can prepare at THON. Folks, get ready to learn carbonara.

Ingredients

Let me first provide you with an ingredient list for your dish. This will require you to sneak in a few small items, but once you taste your creation, you will know it was worth the risk. 

• One box of pasta (bucatini is preferred) 

Bucatini is the noodle of choice, but spaghetti or linguine will suffice.

• SPAM

Please forgive me, Italy. We’re college students who work with what we have. Keep in mind that the SPAM may need to be transferred to a non-metal container in order to clear security. 

• One egg 

Make sure to wrap the egg in paper towels to prevent it from cracking. It will fit well in a reusable water bottle.

• Parmesan cheese

A block (as opposed to pre-grated) will allow for the cheese to stay fresh while unrefrigerated.

• Salt and pepper

These spices are available free of charge at the BJC condiment stations.

Directions

You’re going to want to tackle the pasta first. It is the base of the dish and will take the longest to prepare. First, make sure you have a bowl. You can ask a worker for one. A cardboard tray isn’t ideal, but it will have to work. 

Head on over to a concourse bathroom and turn on the sink. You will notice that the water is not boiling, but it’s pretty darn close. Fill up whatever bowl you have, and dump your pasta in.

From experience, I have learned that it is indeed possible to cook pasta at sub-boiling temperatures. It won’t have a desirable texture, but will certainly have an al dente consistency.

In a separate bowl/tray, crack the egg and mix the yolk together with the cheese and spices. You can “grate” the cheese with a plastic knife, which is available nearly everywhere in the BJC. 

Here is where you want to set a cup of pasta water aside. Conveniently, you have an empty reusable water bottle to put it in now that the egg is in use. 

Drain the pasta completely, and mix in diced pieces of SPAM. Then, toss the pasta and SPAM into the bowl with the cheese, egg, and spices. 

Pour the cup of pasta water you had set aside into the bowl, and mix like your life depends on it. You don’t want to cook the egg you worked so hard on sneaking in, they are quite valuable these days.

Voila! Your carbonara is ready. Season the dish to taste and get to eating. Enjoying a “home-cooked” meal away from home is incredibly rewarding and deserving of celebration.

Back To Reality

Folks, please don’t try this. It sounds absolutely disgusting. I don’t trust the bathroom tap water, nor do I support making carbonara with SPAM. 

I guess you will have to settle for a concourse glizzy. They’re not that bad.