I grew up a little less than an hour from State College. I attended my first-ever Penn State football game at just three months old. I grew up spending every Saturday in the tailgate lots or at home watching away games with my family.

My dad, my brother, and I would sit in the living room dressed in our road whites, while my mom would finish up cooking a wide variety of appetizers for the game. For me, before every Penn State game, it felt like Christmas morning. I’d be filled with dangerous levels of excitement, trying to balance out the nerves at the same time.

I have countless memories of watching games at home. I remember my dad telling me how big a win the overtime game against Minnesota was in 2016 (I don’t think he expected it to be that big). As a family, we screamed at the TV with joy at the walk-off touchdown against Iowa in 2017.

I cried and cursed at the officials for screwing the Nittany Lions into a loss against Ohio State in 2014. And again in 2017, against Ohio State, I’m still mad at my mom for missing Saquon Barkley run the opening kickoff back for a touchdown because she was finishing up the food. For what it’s worth, I told her the game was starting, and I also think that ignited my hatred for FOX Big Noon.

I was fortunate enough to see so many incredible games in person as well. One of my earliest memories was the Allen Robinson four-overtime thriller in 2013 against Michigan. The Auburn White Out in 2021, the “Mo Bamba” game in 2019, and the Big Ten Championship against Wisconsin. There are too many to choose from, but nothing beats the best game I have and maybe will ever see in person. Penn State vs. Ohio State in 2016. Looking back on it, I think Marcus Allen and Grant Haley changed my life.

I cried walking to our car after a random Division III college basketball game after my parents told me Joe Paterno died. Maybe it was embarrassing for an eight-year-old kid, but when you love something, that’s what you do. I bleed blue and white.

My grandfather went to Penn State, and my dad followed in his footsteps, and I’ve had countless other family and friends head to University Park for college. In some people’s eyes, maybe it wasn’t a surprise at all to find out I was going to Penn State, but in reality, that’s not what I envisioned for my path after high school.

After growing up around Penn State for the first 18 years of my life, I guess I wanted something different. I knew I wanted to attend a big university with a big sports culture, but at first, I completely swore off going to Penn State.

I wanted to move away. I was scared I wouldn’t get to experience something new, and I was worried I would be like everyone else from my hometown and end up at Penn State. I guess I thought I needed to be different.

It wasn’t until I toured half a dozen other college campuses without finding a place that felt like home that I gave in and toured Penn State only a month before I had to make my final decision. I had been on Penn State’s campus plenty of times before as a kid, but you don’t really understand it until you’re a high school senior trying to make a life-altering decision.

Within minutes of walking past Old Main and touring the Bellisario Center, I fell in love with Penn State. Or maybe I fell back in love after turning her away for a few years. Penn State was where I was supposed to be, and I was just denying it. I committed to Penn State very quickly after that, and like when I was a kid waiting for the Penn State game to kick off, I was filled with excitement and nerves.

I know my mom cried when I left for college, and I’m sure part of it was because she was sad I was leaving home, but I think some of those tears were happy tears. And no, I don’t think she was happy to get me out of the house; I think she was happy because I had found a new home. She was happy because I was happy.

At the beginning of my freshman year, I teared up a little, saying goodbye to the people and the home I had grown accustomed to for the first 18 years of my life. But it wasn’t all sad. I cried because I was lucky enough to have a home and a community I was going to miss. And I cried because I knew I was walking through a new door in my life that I knew deep down would bring me so much joy.

I met my dearest of friends during sylly week of my freshman fall semester, and I didn’t know then, but I know now that’s the most fortunate thing that’s ever happened to me. I have been able to make so many memories with my boys. We have done it all together, from our nightly Pollock dinners to our road trips across the country to watch Penn State football, to our travels together to Europe, and most importantly, to all the beers we have shared.

Four years have gone by, and saying goodbye to this chapter of friendship with my best friends, Ryan, Tony, Arnav, and Josh, has been emotional.

I could write thousands and thousands of more words about my four best friends and all the memories we have made together, but for most of it, you just had to be there.

During my junior year, I was fortunate enough to be able to study abroad in Florence, Italy, and if you know anything about someone who studied abroad during their college career, they never shut up about it. I always knew I wanted to spend a semester abroad, even well before I knew I wanted to go to Penn State.

My study abroad experience wasn’t perfect, though, and it sure wasn’t what most people project their experience to be on social media. I struggled through the first month, and I definitely cried. I missed home and the people who made home so special. I pushed through and continued on my dream, and each day it got better.

I made new friends, people I would never have met if I didn’t push myself to do something challenging. I saw more history, art, and beauty than most people are privileged enough to see in a lifetime. In just three months, I was able to do it all, exhausting myself with travel to 11 different countries.

By the time it was time to come home, I cried again, but this time it was tears of joy. Joyful because I got to see so much, meet new friends, and reunite with my family and friends. For me, Florence was about experiencing the journey to cry those tears.

These past two years, I have been grateful enough to share Penn State with my brother, Tucker, and his friends. It was such a relief when he told me he was joining me here, and maybe a bit selfish of me to want him to come to Penn State as badly as I did. Our journey to this university has been very similar now that I look at it.

Being able to show him and his friends around campus and downtown State College has brought a newfound joy to me. Spending nights together with all our friends, who have now become one big friend group, has made these final years in college fly by. And I know, because of our shared experiences, we are better off because of it. It’s these connections that will make me miss Penn State the most.

Joining Onward State was the best decision I ever made at Penn State. It was also one of my first, so say what you will about the rest of the decisions I ended up making.

I don’t know what I will do at 4 p.m. every Sunday after four years of being in Carnegie Cinema with everyone. Between the porch parties, snarkies, random games, and press rooms, I was able to learn so much about all of you.

And to my Onward State people. Without all of you, I don’t get to write this piece. There are so many people to name, past and present, but some need their spotlight. Gabe, Keeley, Joe, and Ashley, you have all been fearless leaders to work under. Sophie, Jack, and Michael, you started as just my coworkers, but have now become some of my closest friends.

Most importantly, I wouldn’t be the person I am today without Oscar, Collin, Ryan Mac, and Ally. Oscar, Collin, and Ryan, you three were the best friends I didn’t know I needed. The people who made coming to meetings still enjoyable every week for four years. I already had to say goodbye to the three of you, and once again, I was overcome with tears of joy.

Ally, you have been the person who has kept me moving forward on my journey this entire time. My best friend. I owe you far more than a blurb in a senior column. If I were a betting man (I am), I’d have to imagine we will be sharing some happy tears in the coming days, months, and years.

I owe the biggest of thanks to something else. I am most grateful and sad to say goodbye to tailgate space No. 2076 in lot 41. This isn’t any ordinary parking spot for me, my family, and my friends. What makes it so special is that it brought all the people I love together in one place every Saturday.

My cousins Mike and Fritz know how to throw a damn good tailgate. And for some of you reading, you have fallen victim to their shots just like I have. My mom and dad took time out of their lives to bring all of us together, centered around our shared love of Penn State football.

All of my family and friends, whom I mentioned above, would look forward to these tailgates in the same spot every game for the past four years. From sunup till sundown, rain or shine, we cheered and cried for Penn State football in spot 2076.

I was heartbroken after the loss to Oregon this past year and to Indiana just a month later. And Ohio State and Michigan, all I wanted to do was just once storm the field as a student. I left Beaver Stadium demoralized way too many times, but coming back to the tailgate spot after every game, win or lose, brought some joy back into my soul.

Saying goodbye to my family’s tailgate spot as a student is going to be the hardest of all my goodbyes. I am sure I will be back in the future, cheering on the Nittany Lions till the day I die. But this chapter of my journey is closing. Thinking back on all the memories I have made each Saturday in the chug line, waiting in line for the cocktagon, or just surrounded by all my people, tears of joy come over me.

For the past 22 years of my life, I owe Penn State everything. Everything it’s given me and everything it will continue to give to me.