As the decreasing wind chill and colorful foliage of fall take over campus, so does another, more unsightly aspect of the cooler months: SNUGG season.

Discussing the SNUGG epidemic isn’t new to Onward State. We’ve lamented, heard both sides of the debate, and at this point, we’ve pretty much accepted that it’s not going away any time soon. So instead of trying cure a problem that’s not going to go away, we would like to offer a few tips on how to wear UGGs, if you must. Baby steps, right?

The Good (a.k.a, the bearable)

The more basic the UGG, the better. Colors should always be neutral: browns, grays, or black. Avoid crocheted UGGs unless they’re black or dark. Also, there should be no external fur. It looks dumb. Typically, these look best with yoga pants or leggings. Jeans can be worn, but if you’re going for the “I’m going to look as lazy as possible while still spending $150+ on my boots alone” look, you might as well go all out.

The Bad

One word: sequins. I feel like this should go without saying, but there aren’t many occasions that call for footwear that channels a disco ball while still looking obnoxiously clunky. The ones pictured don’t fully capture how bad this look can be, but believe me, it only gets worse.

The height of the boot can also make an already questionable shoe that much worse. UGGs that are too short make even short legs look awkward. If you’re going to buy UGGs, stick to the Classic Tall. Mid-calf is a fairly universally flattering, and it doesn’t look like you’re about to roll an ankle any second.

The UGGly

One of my biggest UGG pet peeves if too much damn fur. I don’t care if you’re trying to impress Flo Rida, it looks dumb. This isn’t the Stone Age, it’s not like having the furriest boots makes you the best hunter or the Alpha female, and it’s not going to make your feet any warmer. UGGs are already made with sheepskin, do you really need to make the dead animal look more obvious?

Obviously the list of questionable UGG choices doesn’t end here, but a list like that could go on for days. Basically:

• If it’s a color that isn’t in the black or brown family, you shouldn’t go near it
• If it glitters or has any kind of animal pattern, don’t waste your money
• If Sneezy the Squirrel could confuse your foot with a lost friend, you’re doing it wrong.

P.S. Thanks to Barefoot for allowing us to try these guys on since The Shoe Box wouldn’t allow us the same courtesy. Also worth noting is that Barefoot only sells UGGs in a relatively-neutral color range, so four for you, Glen Coco.