“How To Get All The Ladies, Part 2”
Hello again broskis. Most of you have read the first part of my guide to getting ladies, so now you have the looks to get you the girls. But looks alone aren’t enough to get that chick. You need to go to the right places, act right, and talk right. Basically, what you need now is Swagger.
Part 2: Swagger
Where to Go: To get the best ladies, you need to go to classy places, full of loud music, sweaty dance floors, and lots and lots of alcohol. If you can have a conversation with someone next to you without screaming in their ear, then leave immediately. For best results, check out Frat Row. Chances are, if you go to a frat party, then you’ll find a keeper for sure.
How To Approach That Special Lady: It’s quite simple, really. All you need to do is dance. I suggest dancing with your thumbs out. That way, if you accidentally knock into a chica, you have a conversation starter! At the very least, you will have her attention, and you can move on to the next step.
What To Say: From my experiences (and believe me, I have had thousands upon thousands of experiences :D), ladies respond extremely well to a good pick-up line. Try one of these:
-“Hey hot stuff, wanna come back to my place and admire my collection of empty liquor bottles?”
-“Baby, you’re like a whey-based protein supplement. I just can’t get enough of you!”
-“Girl, you’re so beautiful that I want to take you to a Dave Matthews Band concert and hook up with you in the parking lot before the show!”
The girl will immediately see that you’re a man of incredible wit, and the rest should flow naturally. That’s what we in the business like to call Swagger.
How Drunk To Get: Get really drunk. Incredibly drunk. If possible, get her drunk too. It’s a little-known fact that people only have confidence when they’re intoxicated. 90% of divorces are of couples that met while sober. Look it up.
The Next Morning: Now that you’ve done all of these steps, you will have almost assuredly achieved your goal of getting that girl. But the night is over. What now? First, get her out of your room as quickly as possible, before she starts talking about her feelings. Next, never talk her again (unless she was really really hot). If you followed my guide accurately, then this step will be easy, since you shouldn’t even know her name. Finally, call up all of your fellow bros and let them know that you ‘did the deed’ with said girl. Prepare your arm, because hundreds of high fives are imminent. Congratulations, you are now The Man.
So there you have it. Now you have the looks and the Swagger. With this deadly combination, you should be able to pick up any girl that you desire. If anyone ever asks you how you got so fly, just tell them, “Chad from Onward State taught me. He is a God among men”. Have fun at your next party. Just hope that I’m not there, or all the ladies will be swarming to me. Peace, dudes.
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About the Author
After losing my father to cancer, I thought there was nothing THON could offer me that I didn’t already know. After four years, I found comfort in the familiar.
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