The time is upon us, Brodeo Clowns. Spring break officially starts tomorrow (although I haven’t gone to class in 2 weeks, so it’s already started for me!), which means a cruise, booze, and cool dudes. Of course, there will also be more hot babes than you can shake a hackeysack at. So, you must be wondering, “What does Chad look for in a spring break hookup?”. Well, kind reader, that’s why I’m writing this article!

First and foremost, there must be no commitment. Tons and tons of schools have spring break this week, and who knows who I’ll run into at Cancun? If I’m gonna get with a girl, she better not be into that whole “I love you” crap. That’s played out. She has to be all about fun. Which leads me to my next requirement.

She must be down to party hard. If you’re not gonna drink beer and do coke, why bother going on spring break? Heck, why bother living (but that’s another article)? I’m not trying to get with some goody goody church girl who is probably at Mexico to do mission work while getting a tuneup on her chastity belt. Catholic schoolgirls are hot, though. Basically, the girl has to be DTHAGT – Down To Have A Good Time. Plus, alcohol makes it just that much easier – not that I’m lacking in pickup skills.

Third, and possibly most important, she must be hot. I can’t emphasize this enough. In the game of spring break flings, looks are everything. I mean, look at me. Not to toot my own horn, but I’ve had hundreds upon hundreds of flings, and I’m a good looking guy. My standards are higher than Michael Phelps after a lap around the pool party. I will not settle for anything less than an 8.5.

I can’t really think of anything else to consider in a girl, spring break or not. Personality? I don’t even care about the girl’s name! What makes you think I’d care about her feelings or why she thinks Twilight is a better movie than Scarface (best movie ever, by the way. “Say hello to my little friend!” hahahaha)? So yeah, if you’re an attractive lady looking to have a good time – and nothing else – hit me up. I’ll be the bro with the muscles. Peace, dudes.