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The Six Ballers You Meet At The IM Building

Penn State is full of interesting characters of which the Intramural Building is just a microcosm. Every day, basketball players of all shapes, sizes, and skill levels gather on the IM hardwood to partake in countless pickup games.

If you ever venture out to the northeast corner of campus for some recreational shootyhoops, here are some of the ballers you might meet:

The Pickup GOAT

He probably turned down a couple of D2 or D3 offers to pursue his education at Penn State. He might even be on the club team. That said, his skillset sticks out like a sore thumb on the IM courts. He’s at least 6’3″ and can jump out of the gym. If you’re fortunate enough to have him on your team, then feed him the ball and get out of his way. He’ll do the rest. If you’re not so lucky, then forget about defense and just try your best not to dunked on.

The First-Time Baller

In contrast to the GOAT, this person seemingly decided to wait until his first year of college before picking up a basketball. He’s new to the game and will probably be a liability to your team, but since this is just pickup basketball in the IM building, who cares…right? He’ll work on his dribbling, get a couple shots off, and at the very least space the floor. At the end of the day, he’ll get his cardio in just like the rest of us.

The Inexplicably Old(er) Guy

Maybe he’s a grad student or a professor looking to teach a different kind of lesson. Either way, he doesn’t look like he belongs on a floor overrun with undergrads. Don’t be fooled, though. He’s wise beyond your years, and he’ll go full Uncle Drew as soon as he catches you sleeping. Don’t reach, youngblood.

The Jock Who Peaked in High School

This guy’s defining characteristics are his high school football cutoff and his overly competitive nature. Yeah, we’re all here for some friendly competition, but this guy needs to tone it down a notch or ten. Be prepared to take a shoulder to the chest every time this guy tries to drive to the hoop…which will likely be every time he has the ball because his jump shot sure as hell didn’t get him here.

The ‘Shooters Shoot’ Guy

This baller is on a quest to become the greatest three-point volume shooter since Ray Allen. The only problem? He’s not Ray Allen. That won’t stop him from pulling the trigger from deep anytime he has an inch of space, though. His one redeeming quality is his “positive” attitude because he certainly won’t let all of those bricked threes get him down.

Saquon Barkley

Well…


Are there any ballers we haven’t met? Let us know in the comments below!

About the Author

Anthony Fiset

Anthony is a sophomore majoring in Economics. He, like many others, is from right outside of Philly, and by right outside of Philly he means Pittsburgh. He is a lifetime Costco Executive Member who enjoys spending quality time on the couch with his dog, Sparkle. You can call him, beep him if you wanna reach him at [email protected], or follow him on Twitter @antnyfst.

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