A Plea For Pyrotechnics During THON

Anyone who’s been to an event in the Bryce Jordan Center recently has seen the hottest thing on campus — the BJC’s sweet flamethrowers celebrating every big win on the court.

We’re climbing, but why does Pat Chambers get to have all the fun? Like 46 cups of coffee, those indoor fireworks would rock worlds. During the car race, Line Dance, and Slides of Strength, some added firepower could ignite the atmosphere.

Besides scaring dancers awake by randomly setting them off, choreographing them with musical guests could be pretty intense. I’ve often said the only thing My Hero Zero needs to make it big is more explosions.

Please Coach Chambers, let THON use your futuristic fire machines. I know your team needs to practice and get ready for March Madness, but nobody’s playing basketball in here this weekend. We should use it while we can.

I can picture shooting off the inferno as the Line Dance screams, “Save the Skeller,” and when the THON total is revealed on Sunday. How big of a celebrity would THON have to attract to approve pyrotechnics? This guy?

One often overlooked group of THON volunteers are the floor cleaners. Sweeping and sweating their way across the BJC is a tough job. Let’s give them their moment and make cleaning the floor an event with those heat canons shooting off every time they move the dancers out of the way and scrub the baby powder off.

Maybe baby powder in the air is the reason we don’t do it, come to think of it.

What do you say, Coach? We’re climbing with you. Will you help the BJC blast off this weekend?

About the Author

James Turchick

James is a senior majoring in digital and print journalism, James enjoys writing about anything weird and is deadly allergic to bees. Onward State people are very nice to him.


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