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Everything That Moves Faster Than The Ticketmaster Queue

Students have quickly realized this week that 20 minutes feels like an eternity when they’re stuck in the Ticketmaster queue waiting to buy student football tickets.

Under the new process for buying tickets, students are randomly assigned a place in a queue and can’t make their purchases until those ahead of them have completed theirs. The worst part is you can see how many students remain in front of you, which heightens the stress levels of an already hectic morning.

It’s a weird system that’s thrown off more than a few football-crazed, but change-resistant Penn State students who haven’t held back with the feedback.

During the first four days of ticket sales week, each grade has sold out its allotment out in 43, 28, 17, and 15 minutes, a bit of a spike from the usual five-minutes-or-less mad dash to Gate A. One thing’s for sure, though, it seems like students are slowly getting the hang of things as their older friends buy tickets.

The 20-minute wait for your spot in the queue dwarfs other trials of endurance and actually makes them pass like fleeting moments. Here are a few waits you’d probably rather do than stare at the little stick figure crawling across your Ticketmaster screen.

The HUB Chick-Fil-A line at noon

You and every other student on campus want two things a) football tickets b) eight-piece nuggets at Chick-Fil-A.

One comes with the delayed gratification of We Are cheers and chicken baskets two months after the wait, while the other brings the immediate reward of Chick-Fil-A sauce, so it’s pretty easy to see what’s easier to push through.

The actual line to get into Beaver Stadium

Listen. There’s no easy or convenient way to get 107,000 people patted down, through a few dozen turnstiles, and into a football stadium. But after some horror stories during the 2016 season, the process has gotten significantly better over the years.

Unfortunately, the same can’t be said about buying your ticket to get into the game.

Waitlists freshman year

The only feeling remotely similar to the Ticketmaster queue is when you’re nine students deep on a waitlist for STAT 200 during your freshman spring sylly week — a torturous mixture of optimism, doubt, and watching an unchanging computer screen.

But then again, that’s to take a required class you have three more years to do — not your $34-per-game ticket to the greatest student section. Priorities.

Spice Adams booking it to the end zone

The 2018 Blue-White Game gave us a handful of memorable moments, one of which being former Penn State lineman Spice Adams’ legendary touchdown run.

You could have Adams sprint 100 yards down the field, stop to film a Twitter video, watch it go viral, make a cameo on Ballers, and then run 100 yards back and you’d still be waiting for your spot in the queue.

The Climb

Maybe by the time I have my football tickets, I’ll be ready to commit to buying basketball tickets. We’re still waiting for next year, Pat.

A Happy Valley Winter

Just kidding. Nothing is worse than that five-month wait to actually see the sun.

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About the Author

Anthony Colucci

Anthony Colucci is Onward State’s managing editor, a preferred walk-on honors student, and a senior majoring in psychology and public relations. Despite being from the make-believe land of Central Jersey, he was never a Rutgers fan. If you ever want to know how good Saquon Barkley's ball security is, ask Anthony what happened when he tried to force a fumble at the Mifflin Streak. If you want to hear the story or are bored and want to share prequel memes, follow @_anthonycolucci on Twitter or email him at [email protected] All other requests and complaints should be directed to Onward State media contact emeritus Steve Connelly.

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