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The Eric Barron Statues Penn State Needs

Florida State recently unveiled a statue of former President Eric Barron, and with the current, noticeable lack of metallic enshrinements of university figures on Penn State’s campus, we couldn’t help but feel a little left out. After all, he’s our CURRENT university president. What do we get?

If Penn State is considering ever building a statue in Barron’s honor — although I’m unsure if this university will ever be in the business of doing so again — we have a few suggestions.

This statue will honor Eric Barron as a man of the people, standing among his subjects to perform the very 2017 thing of watching the solar eclipse.

Additionally, it will ensure President Barron, in some form, will always see the banners flying overhead and relaying important messages to him before every Penn State football home game.

Pres Barron, what are you hiding? Release the report.

I’ve never seen one in person, but I imagine that outside of Beaver Stadium would be the perfect location for a statue that stands proudly with one finger signaling how many flavors you can order in a cone at the Creamery. We won’t know for sure until we try it out though.

Remember when Eric Barron talked about your “blue sports car” at Freshman Convocation? With this statue, you can actually sit in a blue sports car with Bronze Barron– which is fitting considering the only times many students see him is at Convocation and in the annual holiday greetings (Editor’s note: Check under the seat for a surprise cowbell.).

To properly build such a statue, you gotta embrace the Barron, sniff the Barron, lick the Barron, wash the Barron, date the Barron, and be the Barron.

While we’re talking about statues to honor a Barron, why stop at Eric? Let’s get cultural icon Molly in there too and make the perfect photo op with Penn State’s First Family.

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About the Author

Anthony Colucci

Anthony Colucci was once Onward State’s managing editor and preferred walk-on honors student who majored in psychology and public relations. Despite being from the make-believe land of Central Jersey, he was never a Rutgers fan. If you ever want to know how good Saquon Barkley's ball security is, ask Anthony what happened when he tried to force a fumble at the Mifflin Streak. If you want to hear the story or are bored and want to share prequel memes, follow @_anthonycolucci on Twitter or email him at [email protected] All other requests and complaints should be directed to Onward State media contact emeritus Steve Connelly.


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