On Sunday night, Onward State came across a link that granted access to the Dancer Relations captains’ shared Google Drive with all of the THON 2024 Line Dance lyrics that didn’t make the cut. The link was discovered on YikYak, an anonymous social media platform most popular among college students, and was upvoted over a 200 times.

Now, you may be asking yourself, “who in the hell still uses Yik Yak?” Trust us, we were just as confused as you are. But once we heard about the alleged link, we had no choice but to redownload the app and see for ourselves.

At this time, folks are unsure of who exactly leaked the link, due to the app being completely anonymous. However, many believe it was sent by a former DR captain with a grudge, who put countless effort into some of the lyrics — all for them to be left high and dry.

Turns out some of these lyrics weren’t very FT-OK and showcased some questionable Penn State and pop culture happenings. Some, however, were pretty well written and witty. Given the stakes, it was our duty to share our findings with the rest of the Penn State community.

Without further ado, here are THON’s uncovered line dance lyrics.

Dylan Mulvaney brought some controversy // Carter Starocci forfeits due to injury

Skulls, AGR you’re suspended // Alum decapitated father, apprehended

Travis Scott sang FE!N nine times // professor committed dog sex crimes

Gypsy Rose, the D is fire // Beau Pribula we admire

Alum in rehab for Shrine vandalism // Now we teach class in prison

Chad Powers gets a show // Pepsi still reigns, man that blows

Man exposed himself in Pattee // Penn State exec accused of strangulation, placed on leave

Brothers opens across from Champs // Neeli’s now a grandparent

State Patty’s full of cops and beer // Josh Richards, what’re you doing here?

The Brew, Canyon Pizza got saved // Hockey player got his neck engraved

Tight-end charged with assault // Peach Bowl, Nittany Lions default

No March Madness for hoops, man that stinks // Student shared child porn, see a shrink

Man filmed girls while they showered // More charges for dog assaulter, what a coward

Majorette sues, bullied by former coach of Blue Band // Another Penn Stater to the stand

Starbucks boycotted, Israel controversy // TikTok girls don’t care, man, they thirsty

Gwyneth Paltrow and Trump sent to trial // Kate Middleton, where are you? It’s been awhile

Netflix enables password crackdown // Users can’t stream and started to frown

Drake’s nudes got leaked // X went crazy about his meat

Madame Web, that shit was ass // Uh oh! Baltimore bridge collapse

TikTok, will it get banned? // Influencers might get canned

Editor’s note: This story is part of Onward State’s April Fools’ Day series. It is satirical, meant for entertainment, and not to be taken literally. Any quotes were made up for the purpose of this post.