PSU news by
Penn State's student blog



The Ten Commandments for the Next Head Coach

To many individuals, Penn State football is more than just twelve (or, hopefully, thirteen) games in the fall; it is a religion. Certain sacred traditions and holidays accompany any religion, and that is no different in this instance: Bowl Games, Blue-White Weekend, Football Eve, Beaver Stadium, just to name a few.

Every religion needs leaders, and currently the football program is in search of a new leader as it enters life A.P. (After Paterno). Names, and subsequent opinions, are flying everywhere. At this point, I do not even know who I prefer to be the next head coach, as my top two candidates, Urban Meyer and Al Golden, were taken away from me. Still, a few of my friends and I are talking about a roadtrip to Miami with the hopes of convincing Golden to come back with us. Regardless of who David Joyner and his search committee ultimately choose, there will be some central advice that applies to whoever is selected.

Here are the Ten Commandments that the next coach should live by, no matter who it happens to be:

I.  Thou shall not stay at casinos past 3 a.m. It may be acceptable in Morgantown, but it will not fly here.

II.  Thou shall not ask to get fired after less than 17 days on the job by physically abusing anyone. Stupidity and violence will be frowned upon in Happy Valley.

III. Thou shall not insult the uniforms. We get it; unless Penn State goes way outside of the box and hires some fictional pee-wee coach like Danny O’Shea, the uniforms from your previous job are going to be fancier than ours. It was a big deal just having the trim on the sleeves and neck removed before this season. Anything negative about the uniforms will not go over well.

IV. Thou shall emphasize defense. Regardless of your background, Penn State came to be known for hard-nosed defense and has earned its name Linebacker U. The tradition of great defenses will be expected to continue.

V. Honor thy former coaching legend. Nobody expects Joe Paterno 2.0 to walk through the door. However, saying something positive about him early on will make fans happy.

VI. Thou shall never lose to Temple nor Indiana. Don’t do it. Don’t even think about it. Just keep reading.

VII. Thou shall not commit football adultery. Fans expect that Penn State is your dream job and that you have no interest in leaving after a few years for another program. If people do not approve of the job you’re doing, they’ll let you know about it, but they do not want you leaving on your own.

VIII. Thou shall not commit recruiting violations. Penn State takes pride in never being sanctioned by the NCAA. They expect it to continue.

IX. Thou shall care about academics. Joe Paterno was known for his high graduation rates and number of Academic All-Americans. This is not the SEC.

X. Thou shall be media savvy. Sticking up for your players is cool. Meltdowns like this may not go over well.

There you have it, our Ten Commandments Penn State coaching style. When a final decision is actually made, there will be some tips tailored to the specific individual, but the above will apply to everyone.

If you have any commandments that you feel should be included, share your thoughts in the comments below. 

About the Author

Drew Balis

Drew is a senior marketing major. This fall, he will be covering Penn State Football for Onward State. He is a huge Philadelphia sports fan and loves THON and Domonic Brown.


More by Drew

McGloin Named NFL Rookie of the Week

The former Penn State record setting quarterback took home Pepsi Rookie of the Week honors following his impressive first NFL start that resulted in a 28-23 win for the Oakland Raiders on the road against the Houston Texans.

Will Adrian Amos Play Some Snaps at Linebacker?

Willis and Carson Talk Differences Between Butler and Roof


Penn State Women’s Volleyball Releases 2018 Schedule

Russ Rose’s Nittany Lions won’t play a single home match in September, electing to test themselves against teams like Stanford and Oregon early in the season.

Penn State Hoops Alumnus Joonas Suotamo’s Journey To Becoming Chewbacca Featured On ESPN’s ‘E:60’

Evaluating Tony Carr’s Performance At The 2018 NBA Draft Combine

Penn State Hockey Commit Evan Bell Wins Clark Cup With USHL’s Fargo Force

Center Ludvig Larsson Transfers To Penn State Hockey From Merrimack

Student Life

Penn State Esports Wins Tespa Collegiate Hearthstone Championship

With two Penn State Esport teams in the top eight, the odds of winning the National Championship were ever in our favor.

Road And Utility Work Impacting Penn State This Summer

Where Do Penn Staters Move After Graduation?

Plans Submitted For New KFC In State College

Developers have submitted preliminary land development plans to build a new KFC restaurant at 1780 S. Atherton St. in State College.

Evaluating Tony Carr’s Performance At The 2018 NBA Draft Combine

Carr underwhelmed in the agility tests and the scrimmage, but impressed scouts with his sharp-shooting skills.

We Are Royalty: Meghan Markle Is A Penn State Fan

Penn State fans are everywhere, even in the British royal family.

Be the first to know

  • Top posts and the best Penn State stories

Thank you for subscribing.

Something went wrong.

Penn State Esports Wins Tespa Collegiate Hearthstone Championship

With two Penn State Esport teams in the top eight, the odds of winning the National Championship were ever in our favor.

Send this to a friend