Breaking Down This Year’s Creamery ‘Flavor Madness’ Bracket
It’s March, which means spring is in the air and madness is about to ensue as people across the country scramble to form office pools for some friendly bracket betting. While all of your loser coworkers fill out brackets for that lame basketball tournament, you and your fellow Penn State alumni can place some action on a bracket that actually means something.
That’s right, the Berkey Creamery is once again hosting its “Flavor Madness” bracket in which ice cream lovers vote weekly for the winners until one flavor comes out on top as Penn State’s favorite. This is the bracket you really want to fill out for your office pools since everyone is more invested in ice cream than college basketball. Besides, let’s face it: Penn State is the furthest thing from a basketball school, so why would anyone expect us to care about basketball?
With a field of 16 delicious flavors, the competition is fierce this March, and the last thing you want is your office “Flavor Madness” bracket to get busted by a first-round upset. Everyone is looking for an edge to get ahead with their brackets, so that’s why I, a self-proclaimed ice cream expert, will help you improve your odds of taking home the cash with my highly informed ice cream decisions.
Below is my complete bracket followed by a breakdown of each division.
The “I scream!” division has arguably the weakest No. 1 seed in Vanilla Bean, so don’t be surprised when underdog Cookies-N-Cream shows up to the “Sweet 16” with something to prove. Similarly, No. 3 plain ol’ Chocolate should blow No. 2 Happy Happy Joy Joy out of the
water milk. Coconut does not belong in ice-cream, so there’s really no contest here. It’s honestly a disgrace that chocolate was even ranked below it. Nonetheless, chocolate is too simple to last, so Cookies-N-Cream takes the win in the Elite Eight.
Grilled Stickies has been a creamery powerhouse since its addition last year, but Alumni Swirl’s cult following and irresistible blend of blueberry, coffee, and chocolate pushes it past the cinnamon-sugar combo. In the No. 2 vs. No. 3 matchup, Bittersweet Mint takes down Peanut Butter Swirl, as mint chocolate chip lovers are always vocal and will easily rally to beat the peanut butter fans. In the end, the Alumni Swirl faithful will boost it past Bittersweet Mint and onto the “Flavorful Four.” This could easily be one of the closest votes in the contest, but it’s going to be tough to beat an ice cream flavor that is full of Penn State pride AND mocha chips.
‘We All Scream!’
This division is home to the reigning champion from the last time the Creamery held this competition in 2017: Death By Chocolate. The champ has little competition in the first round, as it should coast past measly Butter Pecan. In the other “Sweet 16” matchup, many will be tempted to take Black Raspberry Frozen Yogurt over Strawberry, but don’t fall into this trap. Ice cream over frozen yogurt — always. Still, there is no way Strawberry can get by the reigning champ, so expect Death By Chocolate to punch its ticket to the “Flavorful Four” without much resistance.
‘For Ice Cream!’
Finally, in the bottom right quadrant, overrated No. 1 seed Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough falls to No. 4 WPSU Coffee Break for no other reason than my own suspicion that coffee drinkers will unite to get the sludge-flavored ice cream into the Elite Eight. Nothing can stop those bean lovers, except for Peachy Paterno, of course. The beloved coach’s peaches and cream ice cream flavor will make light work of newcomer Monkey Business despite its strong combination of banana, peanut butter, and chocolate. Then, it will surely knock off WPSU Coffee Break on its way to the “Flavorful Four.”
On the left side of the bracket, Alumni Swirl’s championship dreams are dashed by milk’s favorite cookie, as Cookies-N-Cream moves on to the final. Peachy Paterno finally meets its match in Death By Chocolate, and the reigning champ prevails in the semi-final despite a strong turnout from the Peachy Paterno stans.
Finally, people will admit that there is such thing as too chocolatey, and Cookies-N-Cream will pull off the upset of the century in the championship matchup against Death By Chocolate. Death By Chocolate can be a bit rich, as its name suggests, so I think voters will wise up this year and select the perfect balance of chocolate and vanilla that is Cookies-N-Cream in the end.
There you have it. Follow our bracket and you’ll be guaranteed to come home with all of your coworkers’ cash in your “Flavor Madness” office pools. Also, if my bracket is perfect, the Creamery has to pay my tuition or give me free ice cream for the year. Sorry, I don’t make the rules.
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About the Author
The 20-minute wait for your spot in the queue dwarfs other trials of endurance and actually makes them feel like fleeting moments.
Shoutout to Ticketmaster, for making what was already a stressful, frustrating, and anxiety-riddled process four times as long and ten times as confusing.
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