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Things That Smell Better Than The White Building

Ah, the White Building. This illustrious gym is centered perfectly on campus and cuts off the need for students to travel to the IM Building or Rec Hall, which are located on the farthest corners of campus.

The White Building simply gets the job done. It has all the state-of-the-art equipment to get a solid workout in, and I have personally spent countless hours in there getting my body to its true summer bod form. However, one thing clearly works against the White Building: it reeks.

For whatever reason, things have gotten worse lately. All those sweaty bodies, cut-off shirts with armpits flying around, and the overall lack of fresh air truly do damage to anyone’s nasal cavities. I kind of miss wearing masks to gyms because then, I didn’t need to smell whatever funk was lingering through the White Building’s halls.

To put the White Building’s newfound stench into perspective, we compiled a list of familiar smells that somehow smell better. And please, for the love of Dear Old State, slap on some deodorant before heading over next time.

That First Fart After El Jefe’s

Don’t get me wrong. El Jefe’s is a fine establishment.

After opening up downtown last semester, El Jefe’s has warmed many Penn Staters’ hearts, including mine. It’s quickly rising up as one of the best Mexican food joints downtown despite being a block away from Chipotle. Although it tastes great, the aftermath of El Jefe’s is often unpleasant. Your rear end produces smells that you wouldn’t even think existed, and don’t even get us started for when you finally have to go No. 2.

Still, we would still rather catch a whiff of that first post-burrito fart than endure the stench of a packed White Building.

A Porta-Potty After A 7 P.M. Football Game

Football games are great, but you know what’s not great? The scene of the porta-potty after a long day of tailgating. The mix of piss on the floor, poops stacked on top of poops, and yak splatter is enough to make anyone gag upon entry. However, it makes complete sense because that is the purpose of such a beloved tailgate edition. So, Cocktagon, my love, I would much rather inhale your fumes than those of the White Building.

That Expired Milk Carton In The Back Of Your Apartment Fridge

We all buy milk, so I am not here to slander my fellow dairy lovers. However, we are college students at the end of the day, and we sometimes forget to check the expiration date before having our morning bowls of cereal. Despite those chunks floating on top of that 2% milk, that stench still doesn’t compare to what goes on in that gym near the HUB.

Happy Valley Cow Manure

In case you’ve been living under a rock, Penn State started out as a farming school before turning into the prestigious university it is today. So, it would be no surprise to wake up to the smell of fresh cow manure during the days of The Farmers High School. Nowadays, you would need to travel just outside of campus to get a glimpse of the smell from the olden days. Being from Lancaster, Pennsylvania, I have grown quite accustomed to the smell. But even if you despise the scent, you need to respect that it serves a purpose as a fertilizer for our vast Pennsylvanian fields. You know what doesn’t serve a purpose? Stinky gym-goers at the White Building.

A Freshman Dorm On A Friday Night

Freshman year is very exciting, and the weekends especially can get quite rowdy in East or Pollock. However, I will not miss the smells that are cultivated on a Friday night. Whether that was the overwhelming whiff of perfume or Crown Russe before a night out or the vomit on a bathroom sink and sticky, piss-covered floors after a night out, the smell remained consistent: utterly disgusting. At least these smells had great stories behind them, unlike your trip to the gym.

Your Feet After Walking Across Campus All Day

Penn State’s campus is massive, and it can be surprising to see that you’ve walked nearly five miles despite only having two classes on the day. In fact, fellow staffer Charles Reinert and I walked to every building on campus last year, and it took us seven long hours to do it. Regardless, ripping off those socks that stick to your feet will stink a room up in a matter of seconds. (From personal experience, do not lift up your foot to get a whiff. It’s almost like walking into the White Building.)

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About the Author

Tobey Prime

Tobey is a junior studying broadcast journalism from Lancaster, PA. He is a major Pittsburgh sport's fan, and Miami Heat fanatic. When Tobey isn't writing for Onward State, you can catch him looking at photos of his pugs. Send your best insults to [email protected] or sports takes to @tobey_prime on Twitter.

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